172. Better Than Leaving It To Chance

Emotions don’t just happen to us—they shape the way we show up, especially when we’re under pressure. By choosing how we want to feel, even when fear or self-doubt creeps in, we can intentionally steer our careers in a more empowered direction. When we stop defaulting to worst-case scenarios and start imagining what could go right, we open the door to real momentum and possibility.

Left unattended, our emotions tend to spiral toward overwhelm, doubt, frustration, and self-criticism.

Are you starting your day already overwhelmed without knowing exactly why? Are you constantly bracing for things to go wrong instead of imagining what could go right? Are you letting fear or self-doubt take the lead when feedback or uncertainty hits?

You’ll learn that choosing your emotional state isn’t a luxury—it’s a daily leadership decision that can shape your career trajectory. Even in unpredictable, high-pressure environments, you have far more influence over your experience than you think.

WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER

• Why choosing your emotional state each day is important

• 4 practical tips to manage your emotions and reset your mindset

• Why preparing for success matters just as much as avoiding failure

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DOWNLOAD GUIDE TO NOT LEAVING IT TO CHANCE

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TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and seventy-two. I'm your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

It's easy to think our emotions are just reactions to what happens around us, but the truth is, when we leave our emotional state to chance, then the fear, doubt, anxiety and overwhelm tend to take over by default, especially in high-pressure work environments where there's a lot at stake. Without intentional choices guiding us, it's all too easy to wake up in a cloud of frustration or spiral into self-doubt before the day even really gets going. And, if we let that pattern run unchecked, it doesn't just affect our mood – it quietly shapes the course of our careers. The good news is we have more power than we think. 

In this episode, we explore the notion that by intentionally choosing how we want to feel, managing how we respond to feedback, and consciously giving best-case scenarios just as much attention as worst-case fears, we can take back control of our days and, ultimately, the trajectory of our career.

Progress doesn't require always feeling great. It requires leading ourselves forward, especially when our emotions try to pull us backward. When we stop waiting for our feelings to magically align and instead choose the ones that move us toward our goals, we break free from the trap of self-sabotage and open the door to building a career and a life we're proud of. 

If we don't consciously choose how we want to feel, we leave it to chance – and chance doesn't always tend to be kind. You know exactly what that feels like – you wake up already anxious, irritable, and weighed down by a vague sense of overwhelm, and you can't even pinpoint why. Nothing has actually gone wrong yet, but somehow, the day feels heavier than it should. Without realizing it, you're bracing for things to go sideways, and then, not surprisingly, they do. 

The truth is, unless we step in and actively intervene, our feelings have a default setting – and in my experience, it's generally not one that serves us well. Left unattended, our emotions tend to spiral toward overwhelm, doubt, frustration, and self-criticism. We've all been there, and while it's not entirely our fault, it's pretty easy to get swallowed up by our anxiety, anger, and frustration, especially when the systems around us only reinforce those emotions at every turn. 

When we're facing all the inevitable barriers we face in the workplace, self-doubt doesn't need much encouragement to settle in. Chronic stress becomes the norm and, over time, we stop even noticing that we're feeling stressed. 

Before long, we're operating from a baseline of fear and fatigue. It becomes second nature to doubt ourselves, to hesitate before taking action, and to anticipate criticism before we've even made a move. We start interpreting every challenge as a potential threat and it's easy to then become very cynical. 

Doing big things that matter, like making bold career moves, stepping into leadership roles, or speaking up while others stay silent, will naturally provoke fear and self-doubt. It's part of the deal. But, if we don't recognize that fear is to be expected, and not interpret it as a warning sign, we risk mistaking progress for danger. Without making a conscious choice about how we want to feel in the moment, fear becomes the default, dictating our decisions and limiting our possibilities. 

We all have those days where we find ourselves stuck in a cloud of frustration or anger for no clear reason. Days that, objectively, could be good, where nothing catastrophic has happened, and yet we somehow still end up having a very bad day. It feels almost inevitable, as if our emotions decided for us, in advance, that the day would be awful. But, what's crucial to understand is while our feelings are real, they are not always reliable indicators of reality. Just because we feel like things are going wrong, doesn't mean they actually are.

Our emotions are colored by a thousand invisible factors – past experiences, accumulated stress, lack of sleep, even what we ate (or didn't eat). When we leave our emotional state to chance, we let all that invisible baggage set our course for the day. 

One of the sneakiest ways this shows up is through spinning endless worst-case scenarios in our heads, rehearsing all the ways things could go wrong, all the criticism we might receive, and all the missteps that might unfold. Yet, rarely do we give the best-case scenarios equal airtime. So, consider for a moment that things were to go better than expected. What if it worked? What if you're more ready than you think? What if this is the start of something far better than you imagined? 

The more we leave it to chance, the more fear based 'what ifs' crowd out hope, optimism, and opportunity. And when that happens, it doesn't just negatively affect our mood – it changes how we show up at work. It influences whether we advocate for ourselves, whether we raise our hand for that high-profile assignment, even whether we take on those small, calculated risks that would actually move our careers forward. 

Leaving our feelings to chance can create real problems in our professional lives. We become emotionally reactive to everything around us. We let every raised eyebrow, every slight delay in response, and every criticism send us spiraling. Small stressors quickly escalate into something more, and we're suddenly in a self-doubt downward spiral.

In this industry, where feedback is inconsistent and recognition is sometimes sporadic at best, we end up chasing external validation that may never come. Unfortunately, this tends to impact our self-worth. When others inevitably disappoint us, we run the risk of having our confidence collapse. Chronic stress hardens into a constant background buzz, making it nearly impossible to tell the difference between a real problem and emotional noise. We start missing opportunities because we confuse discomfort with imminent danger, from which we think we need to retreat. Over time, even without realizing it, we start sabotaging our own progress, playing small, staying safe, and remaining stuck. 

The reality is, none of us set out to operate this way. It's not laziness and it's not weakness. It's simply what happens when we don't realize how much power we actually have over how we experience our careers. The real shift begins the moment we decide – every single day – not to leave it to chance. We have to choose how we want to feel – consciously, proactively – before the day starts, before the meetings pile up, and before the pressure builds. 

Choosing how we want to feel doesn't mean ignoring real problems or pretending everything is fine. It's not about fake positivity or gritting your teeth through the injustice of the situation. It's about claiming ownership over your internal experience, even when the external world feels chaotic or unfair. It can be as simple as setting an emotional intention for the morning: choosing to feel focused and determined rather than reactive, or just to remain calm. 

Choosing how you want to feel might sound overly simplistic, maybe even a little ridiculous at first, but it's one of the most radical acts of leadership you can practice. It doesn't matter what title you hold, how much experience you have, or how challenging your environment is. The longer I've done this work, the clearer it's become for me: I need to be the one deciding how I want to feel. Because if I don't, someone else will. It might be my inbox, my boss's bad mood, a snarky comment from a colleague, or even the general chaos of the day that sets the tone. All of it gets a say in how I feel if I don't claim that choice for myself. And honestly, that's handing over way too much power to those who don't deserve it. 

When you start your day by intentionally choosing how you want to feel, regardless of what's coming at you, you're setting an emotional anchor. You're claiming ownership over your experience instead of waiting and hoping for the kind of day you want it to be. Over time, that conscious choice rewires your energy, your focus, and your resilience. It becomes a protective buffer between you and the chaos around you. It keeps you moving forward, even when everything around you is noisy and messy. 

And let's be honest – things around us are rarely perfect. Which brings us to one of the biggest emotional curveballs: receiving feedback. 

Feedback can absolutely sting, even when it's well-intentioned, and even when it's technically framed as constructive. And especially when it taps into the fear or shame that many of us carry around just below the surface. The real danger isn't in receiving the feedback; it's in what happens next. If we're not intentional, even irrelevant feedback can derail our confidence. It can plant seeds of unnecessary doubt. It can turn one off-hand comment into a week-long spiral of overthinking. Or maybe that's just what I tend to do. 

That's why it's so critical to consider the source, first. Are they credible? Are they offering feedback with the intention of trying to help you improve? Or, are they just tossing out opinions? Do they even understand the full context of what you're trying to do? 

Not every piece of feedback deserves the same amount of attention. When it shows up, use this quick strategy to keep your momentum intact: 

• If it's useful, apply it. Learn, adjust and move forward stronger. 

• If it's not useful, thank them for their interest – and move on. Full stop. 

Of course, building this kind of emotional resilience doesn't happen by accident. It's not something many of us are naturally good at. It's a series of small, intentional decisions, made over and over again, until they start to feel automatic. 

Here are four practical strategies to help you start taking control of your emotions: 

1.Start each day by consciously choosing how you want to feel

Instead of waiting to see whether your day will be good or bad, decide ahead of time what emotional energy you're bringing to it and anchor yourself with visual reminders to help you stay connected to your chosen feeling throughout the day. So that when the stress hits, these cues can help you center yourself. For example: 

• A sticky note on your laptop with your word for the day

• An alarm on your phone labeled 'choose calm' or 'lead with confidence'

• A background image on your phone or computer that makes you feel grounded

2.Reframe fear and criticism immediately

When fear creeps in or feedback cuts deeper than you'd like, pause and ask yourself: 

• Is there something here that could actually help me improve? 

• Is this just fear warning me that I'm outside my comfort zone?

If there's growth to be had, lean into it. If not, try letting it go. 

3.Counter every worst-case scenario with a best-case 'what if'

When your brain starts churning out only negative options for outcomes, consciously offer yourself a better alternative: 

• What if this idea is exactly what's needed? 

• What if this move creates the opportunity I've been hoping for? 

4.Use intentional compartmentalization

Not every emotional reaction needs to dominate your entire day. When something tough happens, make a mental note that you'll review it later. Do your best to stay focused on what matters in the moment, by doing a quick reset, as a way of managing your energy. When you feel yourself spiraling, interrupt it quickly by trying one of these ideas: 

• Take five deep breaths

• Write down three things that are currently going right for you

• Step outside for some fresh air

Left unchecked, our brain will happily generate catastrophic 'what ifs' all day long: 

• What if I mess up? 

• What if I can't handle it? 

• What if they don't like my idea? 

But, rarely do we ask ourselves another type of question, like: 

• What if this opens the door to something better?

• What if this is easier than I imagined? 

• What if I'm more capable than I give myself credit for? 

The brain's default setting is to protect us by predicting danger, but demonstrating leadership skills requires us to consciously balance that narrative. 

When we start imagining what could go right, we start seeing possibilities where we used to see only threats. We stop doing everything we can to avoid discomfort and start growing into the person we are truly capable of becoming. Choosing to give success a real chance in our minds – before we even see it fully materialize – is one of the most powerful career moves we can make. 

It's interesting that we spend much of our time bracing for failure – worrying about setbacks, criticism, and disappointment – while we rarely give serious thought to what happens if things go better than expected – if the project is a success, if the risk we took pays off, or if the opportunity we fought for finally lands in our lap. It almost feels uncomfortable to consider because now, there's pressure. Now, there's something to lose. Now, expectations are going to increase accordingly because we now have to deliver – again – and maybe even at a higher level than before. 

This is what makes the fear of success so sneaky. It shows up more subtly as hesitation, procrastination, tweaking and re-tweaking work that's already good enough, questioning if we're really ready. It shows up as self-sabotage cleverly disguised as caution. Sometimes, when success feels intimidating, we unconsciously start throwing up our own roadblocks – delaying, backpedaling, or convincing ourselves that maybe it's not the right time after all. 

Real success demands that we trust ourselves and step into a bigger and better version of ourselves. And that can be terrifying, especially if we've been conditioned to doubt our own capabilities at every turn. 

Unfortunately, empowering yourself emotionally isn't a one-and-done decision. It's a daily, sometimes hourly, commitment. It's about waking up each morning and choosing your emotional state. It's about anchoring that choice with intentional self-awareness and maybe visual reminders. It's about managing your reaction to feedback, carefully filtering what deserves your attention and what doesn't. It's about catching yourself when your mind tries to spiral into worst-case scenarios – and redirecting yourself toward hope, growth, and resilience. 

Progress isn't about doing everything perfectly. It's not about never struggling or never doubting. Progress is about moving forward even when your emotions are trying to pull you in a downward spiral. It's about noticing the fear and still taking the next right step. It's not about burying your feelings or pretending they don't exist – it's about feeling them, processing them, and choosing your next action with purpose, anyway. 

So, in pulling all of this together, here's what I hope you carry with you:

First, choosing your emotional state is a power move, not wishful thinking. It's an intentional act of leadership over your own life. It's not denial. It's recognizing that your energy and focus are precious, limited resources and that you get to decide how you spend them each day. 

Second, not every feeling deserves your attention. Some emotions will show up by default – like fear, doubt, and overwhelm. But, you have the ability to recognize them as background noise rather than as warning signals or guidance. You can feel their presence without giving them the power to influence your decisions. Sometimes, emotions just need to be acknowledged and then let go. 

Third, you are allowed to expect success, and prepare for it, instead of always bracing for failure. You don't have to live in fear of something always going wrong. You are allowed to believe that things can go well, that you can rise to the occasion, and that your skills and efforts are enough. Giving best-case scenarios real space in your mind keeps you open to opportunity and builds your emotional resilience for the road ahead. 

Remember, your emotions will default to fear and self-doubt even when you're doing everything right, not because you're failing, but just because it feels uncomfortable or uncertain. Most people assume that fear, anxiety, and overwhelm are signs they're on the wrong path. In reality, those emotions are often signs that you're stretching yourself in ways that matter – and choosing your emotional state intentionally is what allows you to keep moving forward instead of retreating. 

At the end of the day, you are the common denominator across every project, every opportunity, and every leadership moment you face. How you choose to feel and how you intentionally manage your emotional energy will shape not only how you experience your career, but how you impact the people around you. 

Will there be days when you forget and get pulled off track? Of course. Will there be moments when anger, fear, or self-doubt take hold before you even realize what's happening? Absolutely. But, emotional management isn't about never getting knocked off center; it's about learning how to find your way back more quickly, every time it happens. And, the more you practice, the easier it becomes. 

Choosing your emotional state intentionally stops being just a coping mechanism – it becomes a strength, a skill, and eventually second nature. You stop living in reaction to your environment and start leading yourself through it. 

We have far more control over our emotional state and, ultimately, our career path than we're often led to believe. By choosing our focus, managing feedback wisely, and giving success a real chance to take root, we build momentum even through uncertainty. Making real progress is about trusting ourselves enough to keep moving forward, knowing we're stronger and more capable than our fear would have us believe.

And that's it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Not Leaving It To Chance at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and seventy-two. 

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I'm on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com. 

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It's my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what's holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I'd love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.  

Until next week, I'm Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.