202. What It's Really Like To Work With You
- cindyesliger
- Jan 22
- 10 min read
Career growth often stalls not because of lack of skill, but because we fail to understand the impact we have on others. When we overlook how our behavior is experienced, we unintentionally damage trust, credibility, and opportunity. By building true self-awareness and becoming easier to work with, we create a reputation that opens doors instead of quietly closing them.
Self-awareness isn’t just about knowing yourself. It’s also about understanding the impact you have on other people.
Are you great at your job but still feeling overlooked for opportunities or advancement? Are you confident in your intentions but unsure how others actually experience working with you? Are you wondering whether your professional reputation is helping you—or quietly holding you back?
You’ll learn that career growth is influenced as much by how easy you are to work with as by how competent you are, and that self-awareness is a powerful, often underestimated career advantage. You’ll also learn how small, unintentional behaviors can shape trust, credibility, and opportunity.
WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER
Why understanding the difference between how we see ourselves and how others experience us is critical to building trust, credibility, and long-term career momentum
5 practical tips to build stronger self-awareness
Why being easy to work with is a competitive advantage that opens doors, strengthens relationships, and increases access to high-visibility opportunities
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TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode two hundred and two. I'm your host Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way.
There's a difference between being good at your job and being easy to work with—and if you've ever felt stuck in your career despite your competence, this might be the missing piece. Self-awareness is often the key differentiator between career stagnation and growth. It's not just about knowing your strengths or how you like to work—it's about understanding how your behavior impacts others, how you're perceived, and what it's really like to be on the receiving end of your emails, your attitude in meetings, your leadership style, and your ability to follow through.
In this episode, we're breaking down what true self-awareness looks like and why it matters more than ever if you want to build a reputation that opens doors rather than quietly closing them behind your back. We'll look at the hidden consequences of self-delusion, the value of feedback (even when it stings), and why being easy to work with is a secret superpower that too many people underestimate. Whether you're feeling overlooked or just want to avoid being 'that person' that everyone wants to avoid, this is your chance to reflect, recalibrate, and make choices that support your long-term ambitions.
There's a whole lot of people walking around thinking they know themselves pretty well, when really, they have no idea what it's like to work with them, or for them. And, this matters more than you'd think, because when you don't know what it's like to work with you—or worse, when people don't particularly like working with you—it's more likely that you'll be overlooked, misunderstood, or people will avoid you altogether.
So, what does it really mean to be self-aware? What do you need to be paying attention to? How do you spot the signs that how you think you're being perceived might be out of sync with the impact your behavior is having on others? How do you course-correct in a way that's both empowering and beneficial to your career advancement?
Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. It's what helps us understand our values, our motivations, our emotional triggers, and how we show up in the world. But more than that, it helps us recognize how our behavior impacts the people around us—which, let's be honest, is something a lot of people think they're good at, but clearly are not.
In my experience, there are two types of people in this world: those who think they're self aware... and those who actually are.
If you've been around for a while, you've probably worked for, or with, someone who clearly thinks they're a rockstar, but every meeting they lead runs 20 minutes late, they dump last minute tasks on people who are already overburdened, and they somehow manage to disappear right after creating their particular flavor of chaos. It might surprise you to learn that they might not even see how their actions affect others. Or worse, they do see it and they just don't care.
I once worked for a boss like this. Every Friday afternoon during the summer, without fail, he'd dump some 'urgent' task on me that absolutely had to be done before the end of the day. Most times, it was just something he had forgotten about all week, and now suddenly, I had to scramble. Never mind the fact that our team was supposed to be on "summer hours" where we'd front-loaded our work week so we could enjoy our Friday afternoons off. He'd casually toss this assignment on my desk, then walk out the door to head to his cottage. No explanation. No acknowledgment. Just, "Here, this has to be dealt with before the end of today".
And here's the thing: he wasn't a bad guy to work for, most of the time. But, when it came to understanding how his actions affected the rest of us—total blindspot, or total indifference. Either way, the impact was the same: frustrating, disempowering, and exhausting.
Self-awareness isn't just about knowing yourself; it's about understanding the impact you have on other people.
To be truly self-aware,
You need to know what matters to you—your values, passions, goals, and your non-negotiables.
You need to know how you behave, especially under stress—when you're feeling the pressure, or under an intense level of scrutiny.
You need to know what kind of environment helps you thrive—and which ones slowly destroy your spirit.
You need to know how others experience you—even when it's not flattering.
And let's be clear, that last point, that's important because it's really hard to see ourselves through other people's eyes. It takes effort. It takes humility. And, it takes a willingness to recognize that you might have it all wrong.
Which brings me to this uncomfortable truth: self-delusion is the opposite of self-awareness. And most of us are a little bit guilty of it.
Self-delusion happens when we ignore the truth about ourselves. We cling to comforting narratives. We think, "I'm a great communicator", even though everyone tends to be a bit confused after we try to explain our thinking. We believe we're dependable, even though we miss more deadlines than we meet, without letting anyone know in advance that it's not going to be done, as promised.
And sometimes, we genuinely can't see it. Behavior blindness is real. We all have blind spots—moments when our self-assessments don't match up with reality. We may have the best of intentions, but that only goes so far. It's our actions that create the negative consequences we may not have anticipated.
Other times, we just avoid the truth, because it's easier. Because self-awareness can be deeply uncomfortable.
But here's the thing: becoming more self-aware is a wise career decision. Because when you get to that level of clarity, you unlock a new kind of confidence—the kind that's unshakeable.
Unfortunately, as you may have guessed, there are career consequences for not doing the work to become more self-aware. If you're not paying attention to what it's like to work with you, here are five rather unpleasant consequences you might encounter—both personally and professionally:
Stalled Career Growth: You're not getting promoted. You're not getting new opportunities. Because, while people like your work, they don't necessarily like working with you. Sometimes, the truth hurts.
Damaged Relationships: You think things are fine, but your team doesn't trust you and they don't want to have to depend on you to deliver.
Lack of Critical Feedback: No one tells you what you need to hear because they've decided you won't listen, or you'll get defensive and deny what they're trying to tell you, so they avoid giving you the honest feedback that you could choose to then act upon to make some changes.
Reputational Damage: Behind closed doors, you're labeled as difficult or flaky or maybe entitled. Even if it's not true all of the time, perception is reality in the workplace.
Missed Opportunities: People don't recommend you. They don't loop you into high-visibility projects. They quietly choose someone else, again and again.
The fact is, not everyone is easy to work with. You know this. I'm sure you've seen it. Maybe you've even been the one who's been called difficult to work with. No shame. We've all had our moments, like this:
Missing deadlines
Saying yes, then not getting around to it
Showing up unprepared
Needing constant reminders, nudges, or hand-holding
Trying to jump into the next shiny opportunity, without finishing what's already on your plate
So, if you want people to want to work with you, again and again, you have to make the experience as painless as possible.
Most people, when given a choice, will go out of their way to avoid having to deal with anyone who is difficult to work with. They will not voluntarily choose to work with someone who makes the job more complicated, tense, or emotionally draining.
And the best part, being easy to work with can be your competitive advantage, especially in industries where the talent pool is saturated and there's no perceptible difference between you and the next candidate, unless they are willing to go deeper.
People tend to choose the path of least resistance. And if working with you feels like a battle every time, that path won't be you.
So, here's what 'easy to work with' actually looks like in practice:
You do what you say you're going to do, on time with minimal follow-up.
You follow instructions and you don't make things harder than they need to be. (How hard is that, really? And yet, in my experience, you'd be surprised.)
You're polite, responsive, and professional—even when you're stressed.
You don't treat every project like an opportunity to reinvent the wheel.
And, I say this as someone who's been a project manager for years on some huge, complex projects. Sometimes, all I ever wanted was for someone to just follow the requirements and turn it in on time. I didn't need excuses or attitude. I just needed it done.
So yes, completing an assignment as assigned may seem like the bare minimum, but the truth is, it stands out because so few people actually do it, consistently.
If all of this is starting to feel like a lot, try not to get overwhelmed. This is not about perfection; it's about intentionality. There are two facets to self-awareness:
Internal self-awareness is knowing who you are, your values, your triggers, your goals, and your biases.
External self-awareness is knowing how you're seen, how others experience your tone, your behavior, and your presence.
If those two things don't match up, you've got a disconnect. And that disconnect is where trust, credibility, and opportunity go to die.
Here are five strategies to make self-awareness easier for you to build:
Compare your perceptions with actual outcomes. Thought that meeting went great? Follow-up with someone who was there and see if they have any suggestions for how it could be better. Thought you nailed that presentation? Did your stakeholders agree? Track what you expected against what really happened.
Ask for feedback—early and often. Feedback is truly a gift. Most people won't offer it unless you ask them, and you're very specific.
Be coachable. If someone does give you feedback, don't defend, don't explain, and don't justify. Just listen. Consider it. Reflect on it. Even if you don't agree, appreciate that you just got a rare glimpse of how others see you, and that's gold.
Challenge your assumptions. Especially the ones about yourself. Maybe you're thinking, "I'm just not good with people" or, "I always crush it under pressure". Are you sure? Where's your proof?
Practice perspective-taking. Zoom out and ask yourself, "If I were on the receiving end of my own behavior just now, how would I feel?". You'd be surprised what insight that can reveal.
So, seek alignment. Learn how others see you—and decide what you want to do with that information.
One thing that many people overlook is understanding how others experience you goes beyond what you say or do. It includes how you make them feel. And often, you don't need to change who you are—just become more intentional about what you're unintentionally communicating.
Non-verbal cues, tone of voice, response time, energy in meetings, and even who you make eye contact with can influence your professional reputation, sometimes more than your actual output. Self-awareness tends to focus on blind spots in behavior. But, what often goes unaddressed is the micro-messaging we're constantly broadcasting, and how those signals, subtle as they are, can either reinforce trust and credibility or quietly chip away at both.
So, I invite you to take some time to notice any unintended signals you may be sending that quietly shape how others perceive you, and how this might be impacting the opportunities you're being given (or not given).
You might have a strong sense of your strengths, preferences, and values, but if you're unaware of what it's like to really work with you, you risk undermining your own credibility. When you don't seek feedback, or worse, dismiss it, you miss critical opportunities to change and grow.
Being easy to work with is a competitive advantage that too many people underestimate. Building a reputation for reliability, responsiveness, and professionalism is one of the most effective ways to stand out and get invited back.
Self-awareness is more than just introspection—it's about recognizing the ripple effect of your behavior and intentionally shaping how others experience working with you. You have the power to build a reputation that opens doors and makes people say, "Oh yes, bring her in. She's great to work with."
And that's it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Understanding Your Impact at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode two hundred and two.
Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I'm on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com.
If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It's my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what's holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I'd love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.
Until next week, I'm Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.
