191. Managing Stress Without Losing Your Spark
- cindyesliger
- Nov 6
- 14 min read
Updated: Nov 9
Work doesn’t have to be something we simply survive until Friday; it can actually bring satisfaction and spark when we stop treating it like punishment. By learning to notice what drains and energizes us, we can make small, intentional changes that reduce stress and reignite engagement. As we protect our spark through awareness, presence, and playful experimentation, we lead better, feel stronger, and sustain our success without losing ourselves along the way.
Many of us are just surviving our jobs. We’re showing up, grinding through the tasks, checking the boxes, and quietly hoping the day will end without too many fires to put out.
Are you showing up to work each day just trying to make it through until Friday? Are you stuck in the cycle of pushing through stress, believing that hard work can’t also be enjoyable? Are you beginning to feel disconnected from what once made you love your work, unsure how to get that spark back?
You’ll learn that managing stress isn’t about pushing harder or pretending everything’s fine—it’s about rethinking how we show up, noticing what drains or energizes us, and making small, intentional shifts that help us rediscover joy, purpose, and presence in our work.
WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER
Why protecting your spark at work is essential for attaining sustainable success
4 practical tips to interrupt the stress spiral and build resilience
Why finding small ways to bring more joy and creativity into your day helps you perform at your best
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TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and ninety-one. I'm your host Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way.
Somewhere along the way, we started treating work like a punishment we have to endure – something to grind through until we earn the right to enjoy our life on evenings, weekends, or if we're lucky, retirement. But what if that narrative is completely wrong? What if the idea that work has to be hard, serious, and joyless is the very mindset keeping us stuck in frustration and disengagement? The truth is, even in the most demanding roles – yes, even in those high-pressure environments where women are still fighting to be seen and valued – there's room for moments of satisfaction, creativity, and fun.
In this episode, we explore how managing stress isn't about pushing through with more grit or pretending everything's fine when it's not – it's about rethinking how we show up every day. By noticing what drains us versus what energizes us, and making small, intentional shifts, we can make work more enjoyable and more suited to us. Infusing a little personality, playfulness, and perspective into your routine isn't indulgent; it's strategic. Because when you protect your spark, you don't just feel better, you perform better, lead better, and sustain your success without sacrificing your well-being along the way.
So, what if work could actually be fun – not just tolerable, not just I don't hate it, but genuinely satisfying, maybe even occasionally enjoyable? I know it sounds like a radical mindset shift. But it's worth asking because so many of us walk into our jobs each day resigned to the idea that working is just something we have to get through, something we endure until we can clock out and do something that actually makes us feel human again.
And sure, sometimes work is a grind. There are always going to be deadlines that feel challenging to meet, not to mention those meetings that could have easily been emails or a message thread. Some days just suck. And yet, hard work doesn't have to be joyless work. You can work hard and still enjoy yourself in the process. And reclaiming even tiny pockets of joy in your workday might be your most powerful form of career resilience – especially if you're in a high-stakes environment where overworking is practically a badge of honor.
So, let's challenge the narrative that work must always feel like an endurance sport. Because if you're constantly just trying to make it to Friday, to your next vacation, or even counting the days until retirement, you're basically postponing your life. And that's a lot of time you're never going to get back.
Many of us are just surviving our jobs. We're showing up, grinding through the tasks, checking the boxes, and quietly hoping the day will end without too many fires to put out. It's not that we hate what we do, we just don't expect to enjoy it. Somewhere along the way, we learned that work isn't supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be serious. And any desire for joy, expressing your creativity, or cultivating your personal spark is supposed to be checked at the door.
So, let's explore this idea that injecting a little fun into your day isn't frivolous or unprofessional. What if it's the thing that keeps you going, helps you think more clearly, leads to better decisions, and lets you do your job with a little less effort?
To start creating space for joy, we need to be aware of the stress we're actually under. Because if you're going to manage your stress, you need to understand what's actually happening in your body and brain. There's the physical stress response, the cognitive stress response, and the emotional stress response.
Your body's physical stress response is simply trying to keep you safe. You might recognize it as that jittery feeling where your stomach feels tied in knots or your heart is racing. That's your nervous system doing its job. You might notice your voice get shaky during a presentation or feel a strong desire to bolt out of the room. That's totally normal, even if it feels like you're having the beginnings of a panic attack.
Stress doesn't just live in your body, it messes with your brain too. You might feel like your thoughts are stuck in a loop or that you're searching for words. Tunnel vision sets in. You forget what you were saying mid-sentence and your decision-making ability turns to mush. Why? Because you're executive functioning – that part of your brain that helps you plan, prioritize, and focus – has essentially been hijacked. This is a normal cognitive stress response.
And then there's the emotional stress response when you find yourself snapping at coworkers, needing more reassurance than usual, or feeling like everything is just 'too much'. You might find yourself lying awake at night rehashing a conversation from earlier in the day or worrying about something that might go wrong tomorrow. These emotional flare-ups are part of the stress response, too. But, when left unchecked, they can become chronic and convincing. You start believing you actually can't handle things, when really, your brain's just in survival mode.
When you're feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself this simple question, "Is there something I can do about this right now?".
If the answer is yes, you're likely dealing with a stressor.
If the answer is no, then maybe you have slipped into anxiety, worrying about a hypothetical future scenario that hasn't happened yet.
This distinction matters because your response should match the type of pressure you're under. Stress often has a solvable component. Anxiety, on the other hand, can keep you spinning your wheels in a worry spiral without taking any real action. But both are normal and manageable, and neither means you're weak, broken, or unfit to lead.
This is where awareness becomes your best tool. When you can recognize the signs of stress as they arise, not just react to them, you take back some control. You stop letting stress run the show, and you start being the one to call the shots.
So no, you're never going to have a totally stress-free existence, nor should you want one. Stress is how your body alerts you that something matters, that you care. But learning how to manage it better will help you protect your spark.
The good news is that you don't need to overhaul your job entirely to enjoy it more. You don't even need to like all of it. You just need to stop treating joy like it's some elusive thing that doesn't belong in a professional setting.
You can start small. Try asking yourself:
What parts of this job do I actually enjoy?
What's one small change I could make to a task or process to make it less draining for me?
Who do I actually like working with, and how can I arrange it so that I can collaborate with them more?
Maybe it's giving yourself permission to approach a project with your own style that demonstrates your strengths. Maybe it's tweaking a meeting agenda to make space for more casual conversation, to get to know your colleagues as people. Maybe it's setting a boundary that helps you feel a little bit more in control and a little less like you're being taken advantage of. It doesn't have to be big or dramatic. Sometimes, the smallest shifts bring the most relief.
We spend most of our waking hours at work, so we owe it to ourselves to find ways to make those hours something we can actually tolerate, maybe even look forward to. Work will never be perfect, but it doesn't have to be entirely terrible either.
Because that enjoyment we find can be our fuel and it helps us develop our resilience. It's the thing that lets us show up fully, especially in environments where we've been taught to shrink, endure, and continually prove ourselves. Choosing to find more joy in the work we do isn't naive. It's powerful.
Too often we talk about managing stress like it means tolerating misery with a little more grace. But what if managing stress wasn't just about increasing our pain tolerance, but also about amplifying what's good about our work? That's the real secret to keeping your spark alive in a demanding role: learning how to interpret the stress spiral, and actively inviting more of what you enjoy into the work you're already doing, in a small, intentional way that just feels better.
But first, we've got to deal with the things stealing your joy from you in the first place. And that's the stress spiral. Maybe for you it starts with a tight deadline or a passive-aggressive email that you received and suddenly your body is screaming, your brain is glitching, and your plan for the day just got completely upended.
Here are four ways to interrupt the stress spiral before it takes over:
Close your eyes, then reopen them slowly: This simple act interrupts tunnel vision, a classic symptom of the stress response. When you're stressed, your brain gets hyper-focused on the perceived threat, which narrows your field of vision – literally and metaphorically. By closing your eyes and reopening them with intention, you remind your brain to zoom out and re-engage with your environment. It's like hitting the reset button on your nervous system.
Yawn on purpose: A deliberate yawn activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is your body's way of saying you're safe. It also slows down racing thoughts and tells your body that whatever triggered the stress is not actually life-threatening.
Move your body: After a stressful meeting or tense exchange, go for a brisk walk. Movement helps discharge the physical tension that builds up in your body during stress. It doesn't have to be a workout, just get the energy out so it doesn't simmer inside you like a pot about to boil over.
Label what's happening: Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is to name it, "This is anxiety, not danger". That simple phrase helps your rational brain get back online. It reminds you that, while your body might be reacting as if the world is ending, what's actually happening is a normal, survivable stress response.
Now, I want to caution you that if you only rely on in-the-moment fixes, stress will always catch you off-guard. It's important to build resilience into your daily routine. Once you do this, you'll notice a big shift, not just in how you handle stress, but in how much it takes to knock you off your game in the first place.
Start by noticing what your body and brain do when stress hits. Do your shoulders tense? Does your breathing get shallow? Does your inner critic get louder and more persistent? Don't judge it – just notice it. Then pause. Take three slow breaths. Let your response be intentional rather than simply automatic.
What if instead of panicking when your heart begins to race, you get curious? You take notice of that jittery feeling and ask yourself, "What's my body trying to tell me?". This kind of compassionate self-awareness turns fear into insight. You stop being at war with your body and start being more understanding with it.
When we're feeling anxious, we tend to avoid or procrastinate, which increases our anxiety, which then makes us want to try to escape that feeling, again. The solution is to break the cycle with presence. Come back to one thing, whether it's taking one deep breath, repeating a one-sentence mantra, or focusing on doing one task. That might be just enough to interrupt the anxiety loop.
Now, let's talk about introducing more fun into the mix. Because, like any job, your job might have some repetitive, thankless tasks. Most jobs do. That doesn't mean your entire experience has to be boring and lifeless.
Start by asking yourself, "Am I making this harder than it needs to be?".
We often default to doing things the way they've always been done, even when it's inefficient or pointless. Sometimes, we don't even remember why we were doing something a certain way – we just inherited the process and kept going. But just because it's always been done that way doesn't mean it has to stay that way. You can choose to do things differently.
Instead of waiting for someone else's permission to enjoy your work, give that permission to yourself. Try running a series of tiny 'joy experiments'. Here are three low-stakes ways to test what brings you a little more lightness to your day:
Work with people you like: You might not get to choose your team, but you can choose who you eat lunch with or take a break alongside. Can you arrange to collaborate more often with someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with? Or can you just make it a point to share a laugh with a favorite colleague before diving back into the madness?
Tweak a task to reflect your creativity or skills: Can you rewrite the meeting notes in a way that is actually helpful and saves people time? Can you redesign a spreadsheet to make it more intuitive and less cumbersome? Can you incorporate your storytelling ability in your next client presentation to make it more interesting and engaging? Injecting even a little bit of your 'uniqueness' into the task gives you that sense of ownership – and makes the work feel less monotonous and routine.
Insert your perspective into a process: You don't have to reinvent the wheel, but could you put a slight spin on a repetitive process that makes it more enjoyable – or at least more bearable? Could you propose a different structure for a recurring meeting to change things up a bit? Could you suggest a way for reporting project status to make it a little less monotonous? Ask yourself whether there is a more fun way to do this, and then give it a try.
The people factor is something that's often overlooked in conversations about job satisfaction. You can have the exact same role, the same responsibilities, even the same salary – but the people you work with can make it feel completely different.
If you enjoy the people you work with, even just a few of them, then the work is automatically better. It's about feeling like you're part of something, with people who you respect, who make you laugh, and who support you. You don't need your coworkers to be your best friends, although that can be a good thing, as well. But, you do need a culture of mutual respect, where you're not constantly on guard, watching your back, or pretending to be someone you're not, just to fit in.
So, if you're looking for a new opportunity, don't just evaluate the job title and the salary – consider the team you'll be working with and the manager you'll be working for. You might be able to do similar work in a few different places, so carefully choose the people that you want to work with.
If you're currently in a role where the chemistry isn't ideal, ask yourself whether there is a way to spend more time with the people you enjoy most. Maybe that's arranging to sit near them, work on projects they're involved in, or even just taking your lunch break together. Small social moments throughout the day can be the spark that makes everything feel more manageable.
You can be ambitious, driven, respected, and successful without giving everything you have to your job. You can be excellent without being exhausted. You don't have to be the first one in and the last one out. You don't have to say 'yes' to everything. You don't have to prove yourself by doing more than everyone else. That's not leadership; that's martyrdom. And there's no guarantee that it will translate into a promotion.
If you want to be taken seriously, start taking your well-being seriously. Protect your time. Own your voice. Infuse your work with what makes you feel more alive. Not only will you feel better, but you'll also stand out – because you'll be the one who knows how to lead with presence, not just productivity.
Another consideration is what you do for fun outside of work. It might surprise you to learn that that helps you perform better in your job.
In my experience, it felt counterintuitive to try to add something more to my already busy life, but when I finally gave it a try, it did actually make me feel more energized – not more depleted – because it gave me something to look forward to.
That might be joining a gym, signing up for a creative writing class, volunteering for something that matters to you, or getting lost in a hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with work. It could be as simple as walking around your neighborhood with a good playlist, or finally reading a book that has nothing to do with professional development.
This is important because doing things that make you feel more alive give you access to better ideas, more creativity, sharper focus, and a stronger sense of self. And that version of you will be the one who walks into work with more confidence. That's the one who will show up with more energy. And, that's the one who won't be thrown off-course by every little thing because you know who you are outside of your job title.
People often don't realize that you don't have to wait for permission, external change, or perfect conditions to start reclaiming your joy at work. Most of us assume that if the culture were better, the workload lighter, or the boss more supportive, then we'd have space to breathe and bring more of ourselves to the job. But the truth is, you can start making subtle shifts from within. Even in a less than ideal environment, you can experiment quietly – adjusting how you approach tasks, who you spend time with, how you structure your day, and where you insert moments of creativity or fun – without overhauling your role or stepping on anyone's toes. And that change doesn't need anyone's approval to be effective – it just has to work for you.
You are allowed to like your job. You don't have to feel guilty for trying to find more joy in your work. You don't have to prove your worth through exhaustion. You don't need to sacrifice your entire personality to be taken seriously. You can care deeply, work hard, and still leave space for a little fun. In fact, that's often when your best work happens – when you're engaged, energized, and actually enjoying yourself.
It's easy to think of stress as something that happens to you, but a lot of stress comes from the way we relate to our work, our habits, and our own expectations of ourselves.
So, I invite you to try something new. Start small, and see what happens when you give yourself permission to find your spark again.
And that's it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Reigniting Your Spark at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and ninety-one.
Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I'm on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com.
If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It's my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what's holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I'd love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.
Until next week, I'm Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.
