195. We Are Not All Meant To Manage People
- Dec 4, 2025
- 9 min read
Not all of us are meant to manage people, and the pressure to treat management as the only legitimate path to success creates unnecessary stress and confusion. We learn that management requires an entirely different skill set than individual contribution, and stepping into it unprepared can harm both us and the people we lead. We are reminded that leadership, impact, and recognition can exist in many forms, and we deserve career paths that reflect where we actually thrive.
The skills it takes to be a brilliant individual contributor do not directly translate into being a great manager.
Are you feeling pressured to pursue people management because it seems like the only way to advance? Are you questioning whether your strengths truly align with leading people rather than excelling in your technical craft? Are you struggling with the emotional overload, unclear expectations, or hidden challenges that come with managing others?
You’ll learn that being a strong individual contributor doesn’t automatically prepare us for people management, and that many of the struggles we experience in those roles are the result of missing skills no one teaches us. Leadership, impact, and recognition can exist outside traditional management paths—and choosing not to manage people can be a powerful, valid career direction.
WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER
Why management requires us to develop a completely different skill set
6 practical tips to navigate the realities of people management more effectively
Why expanding our understanding of career growth beyond people management matters
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TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and ninety-five. I'm your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way.
Not everyone is meant to manage people, and yet in so many professions, it's still treated as the only way up the career ladder. The problem is that being a brilliant individual contributor doesn't automatically mean you'll be an effective manager. The skills that make you excel in your craft—like precision, expertise, and problem-solving—aren't the same skills that make someone thrive in management, where empathy, boundaries, communication, and leadership are the ones that make a difference. When companies shove unprepared people into management roles, the fallout is real: careers stall, teams suffer, and workplace cultures take a nosedive. It's time to consider that going into management may not be the best path forward for you.
In this episode, we're unpacking the myth that managing people is the only way to advance and exploring the very real challenges that come with stepping into management unprepared. We'll talk about the hidden toll it can take on both managers and their teams, why empathy and boundaries are a necessity, and how lousy management leads to lousy work environments. Most importantly, we'll dive into why it's critical to rethink what career growth and recognition can look like beyond people management—because leadership, impact, and success don't have to mean managing people, if that's not where your strengths or passions lie.
In my experience, the underlying message was clear: if you want to climb the corporate ladder, snag that fancy title, and finally get the recognition you deserve, you better be ready to amplify your impact by managing a team. And if you're not interested in management? Well, then you're just 'not ambitious enough'.
The skills it takes to be a brilliant individual contributor do not directly translate into being a great manager. Excelling in your craft—whether that's engineering, design, research, or whatever technical field you've mastered—does not magically prepare you to lead people. And pretending otherwise has created many miserable managers, burned out teams, and workplaces where trust and good morale are lacking.
When your hard work isn't naturally rewarded the way it often is for your male peers, the lure of management can be even stronger. It feels like it's the only way to prove you belong, to solidify your influence, and to secure your seat at the table.
The problem is, once you make the leap to management, instead of continuing to focus on your brilliant technical skills, you're suddenly babysitting grown adults who want to rehash last week's drama or need constant hand-holding through every minor decision. You went from solving complex engineering problems to deciphering office politics and managing emotions like you're an unpaid therapist. And nobody warned you about this part because—surprise—it's not in the job description.
Women, in particular, can feel boxed in. If you stay in your technical role, you risk stagnating. If you chase management, you risk being judged as 'too soft' when you show empathy, or 'too harsh' when you set boundaries. It's a lose-lose situation that nobody talks about enough.
Everyone assumes management is the path to success. Companies equate leadership with people management because it's easy to measure and package. Someone leading a team looks like they're 'in charge', even if they're terrible at it. Meanwhile, the individual contributors, who often are the ones keeping the projects afloat, are sidelined.
Here's the real truth:
Everyone wants to manage people... until they actually have to.
There's a different set of skills required to be a good manager.
Pushing unprepared people into management has very real consequences—for them and for everyone who reports to them.
So, let's strip away the illusions and talk about what management actually requires because it's not just organizing tasks, running meetings, and signing timesheets. At its core, the essence of management is leading people.
That means your responsibilities stretch way beyond deliverables. You're responsible for these four key things, among others:
Morale: that's how your team feels about showing up for work every day, whether that's coming to the office or working remotely, or some hybrid combination.
Performance: that's whether your people are set up to do their best work.
Retention: that's keeping your talented people engaged so they don't flee to your competitor.
Culture: That's recognizing that you directly influence the workplace vibe, which includes the level of trust and energy that has a direct impact on motivation and productivity.
A great manager is in the trenches with their people, shaping how employees experience the workplace. You're not just their boss—you have the power to create their work environment, good or bad. You can be the spark that fuels engagement and joy, or the thing that drives up the rate of burnout and increases turnover. As they say, people don't quit jobs, they quit their managers.
And yet, the official job descriptions rarely mention the must-haves that separate the good from the dreadful. Things like:
Accountability and transparency.
Emotional intelligence, empathy, and strong boundaries.
Collaboration and communication skills across multiple audiences, including team members, senior leadership, partner firms, and clients.
The ability to inspire people, advocate for them, and adapt quickly when things inevitably shift.
Without these, you're not managing—you're flailing. And flailing managers drag entire teams down with them.
I think it's safe to say that most of us have worked for a bad manager. You probably still have a few horror stories that you can share when you're out with friends. And the pitfalls are predictable because they show up everywhere. And here are four of the most common:
Those therapist wanna-be's: who drown in team members emotions and become their go-to problem-solver, trying to fix things while losing sight of the actual work that needs to be done.
Those feedback avoiders: who lack confidence, mired in their own insecurities, so they avoid giving constructive feedback, which means their teams stagnate.
Those oblivious to warning signs: who miss organizational signals or political shifts, leaving their teams blindsided when priorities suddenly change.
Those with fear-driven indecision: who hesitate, waffle, or fail to provide clear guidance, creating distress and confusion.
And the worst part is, those bad managers don't just fail individually, they actively worsen the workplace environment for everyone around them. They increase stress, disengagement, and burnout. They create ripple effects because lousy managers create lousy environments, which increases turnover and stalls careers.
It's not just unfortunate; it's costly—for careers, for companies, and for entire industries that desperately need diverse leadership, but keep burning people out along the way.
If all of this sounds overwhelming, it's because managing people is overwhelming—especially today. Twenty years ago, management looked different. Sure, there were still egos, politics, and deadlines, but the intensity and complexity were nothing like today's workplaces. Remote and hybrid environments, constantly shifting organizational priorities, global competition, and more awareness of mental health concerns—it's a lot.
The old-school 'command and control' style doesn't work anymore. "Do as I say because I said so" is a guaranteed way to alienate your team and tank productivity. Fear doesn't make people work harder. Modern management requires influence, empathy, and context. You can't just bark orders and expect results.
This is where empathy comes in—not as a buzzword, but as a survival skill. Teams thrive on trust, collaboration, and psychological safety. But empathy doesn't mean coddling. Empathy means having some understanding of your team's experiences and challenges, without absorbing all of their emotions or trying to fix whatever is bothering them.
Managers who don't know where that line is end up resentful, burned out, and ineffective.
So, if you do find yourself in a management role—or if you're considering it—here are six practical strategies to add to your toolkit that you might find helpful:
Have your people create informal personal operating manuals: Ask team members to share how they work best. Things like: Do you like feedback provided bluntly or gently? Do you prefer public recognition or private acknowledgement? How do you like to be supported when you're stressed? Having access to this type of information can be game-changing.
Ask the right question: When someone brings you a problem, start by asking them, "Do you want help finding a solution or do you just want me to listen?" That alone can save hours of needless back and forth.
Balance listening, validating, and guiding: Hear them out, validate their experience, then guide them toward action without carrying their emotional baggage home with you.
Practice presence and curiosity: Stay self-aware. Make that effort to actually look at people when they speak to you. Then, ask more clarifying questions because you need to get curious before you can respond appropriately to ensure they feel seen and heard.
Brush up on your skills for conflict resolution and stress management: Learn techniques to de-escalate tensions early, and manage your own stress so you don't project it onto your team.
Set and enforce your boundaries: Protect relationships by knowing your limits, model behaviors you want others to exhibit, and remember saying 'no' when you need to is often the kindest choice for everyone involved.
In an ideal world, people management should not be the only path to advancement. And yet, so many organizations act like it is, which traps ambitious people in a false choice between stagnation and stress. There are other ways to grow. Other ways to be recognized. Other ways to make an impact. Think about:
Technical leadership: becoming a subject matter expert who guides strategy and innovation; or
Project based influence: where you spend more of your time leading initiatives without direct reports.
In my opinion, organizations would benefit from having multiple career paths and many already do. Not everyone wants to be responsible for other people, and that's okay. Imagine how much stronger companies would be if they rewarded excellence in all forms—not just for people management.
Managing requires you to support your people, which is nearly impossible without empathy and healthy boundaries. And not everyone wants—or is meant—to take on that role.
If you're ambitious, ask yourself:
Are you looking for recognition?
Are you wanting to make an impact?
Are you looking for leadership opportunities?
Do you actually want to manage people?
Because they are not all the same thing. And, it's perfectly fine to want some of the responsibility, but not all.
There's no shame in opting-out of management. True career growth is about finding where you thrive, where you can make the biggest difference, and where you can build a career that feels fulfilling instead of draining.
As I said, many organizations already have alternative career tracks built into their systems that don't require managing people, but employees either don't know they exist or don't know how to access them. Titles like Principal Engineer, Distinguished Scientist, Senior Strategist, or Subject Matter Expert are designed for those who want to deepen their technical or strategic impact without taking on direct reports. The catch is, these paths are often poorly communicated, inconsistently rewarded, or treated as less important than management—even though, in reality, they can carry just as much influence and prestige (and sometimes even more freedom).
This matters because so many high-performing professionals burn themselves out chasing management roles they never wanted in the first place, simply because they didn't know there was another option. Excelling as an individual contributor doesn't automatically make you an effective manager, and pushing unprepared or unwilling professionals into these types of roles, that they don't want or they can't thrive in, is a recipe for disaster. We deserve workplaces that recognize excellence in various forms. Workplaces need to reward technical mastery, project leadership, innovation, and mentorship just as much as managing a team.
So, if you're wondering whether management is the path for you, explore more fully what's really involved by asking people who are already doing it for their perspective. But remember, there's nothing wrong with choosing not to manage people. There's nothing wrong with choosing to double down on your expertise instead of potentially wading through emotional quicksand that you're not prepared for or equipped to handle.
There's nothing wrong with saying, "That's not for me". Because the goal isn't just climbing higher—it's building a career that actually works for you.
And that's it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Redefining Career Growth Beyond Management at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and ninety-five.
Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I'm on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com.
If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It's my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what's holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I'd love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.
Until next week, I'm Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.
