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185. Dare To Be More

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Success has often been equated with overwork, conformity, and hiding our authentic selves, but that path drains our energy and leaves us unfulfilled. By daring to be more, we reclaim joy, creativity, and courage, bringing our whole selves into the workplace and shifting our experience from survival to engagement. Together, we can challenge outdated norms, set boundaries, and create meaningful work that reflects who we truly are.

It takes courage to disrupt the status quo, and to believe that being more you at work is not only allowed—it makes you more valuable.

Are you exhausted from working harder and harder yet still feeling invisible at work? Are you hiding parts of yourself in order to appear professional and blend in with your workplace culture? Are you craving more joy, creativity, and authenticity in your career but unsure how to bring it forward?


You’ll learn that daring to be more isn’t about doing more or being louder—it’s about reclaiming authenticity, quieting the inner critic, and showing up in small but powerful ways that transform how we experience work.


WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER

  • Why conformity might feel safe but ultimately drains your confidence, energy, and joy, leaving you disconnected from who you truly are

  • 3 practical tips to infuse more authenticity into your daily work

  • Why daring to be more creates a ripple effect that strengthens trust, fosters collaboration, and transforms workplace culture into something more meaningful



















TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and eighty-five. I'm your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 


Most of us have been conditioned to believe that the way to succeed at work is to keep our heads down, work longer and harder than anyone else, without ever making too much of a fuss. And sure, doing more can sometimes move us forward – but it doesn't always work in the way we think it will. It's easy to fall into the trap of playing a role that requires us to dress the way everyone else does, speak in a certain way, and behave so as to appear capable while concealing the parts of ourselves that might not fit in. Over time, that kind of conformity can leave us feeling disconnected, unmotivated, and stuck in a cycle of invisible effort with little fulfillment. The truth is, we weren't hired to blend in. We were hired to bring something unique. And yet, the pressure to be palatable often overrides our ability to show up as we really are. 


In this episode, we explore how we can dare to be more in our careers. Daring to be more – rather than simply doing more – isn't about being louder, bolder, or reckless. It's about being real. It's about reclaiming the parts of ourselves that we've been hiding to fit the ideal prototype. And while defying expectations in environments that reward sameness can feel risky, the greater risk is losing ourselves in trying to be something we're not. 


It takes courage to disrupt the status quo, and to believe that being more you at work is not only allowed – it makes you more valuable. When you start showing up more fully, even in small ways, we shift our experience of work from something we endure, to something we engage with. And that changes everything. 


There's a reason so many of us start dreading Mondays sometime around Sunday afternoon. There's a reason we scroll job boards even when we're not really looking. And there's a reason we keep wondering if maybe, just maybe, work could feel like more than just an endless grind. But if you've been in your field for a while, especially in a male-dominated profession, you probably also know what it feels like to be very good at your job and still feel kind of stuck. That creeping sense of, "Is this all there is?" paired with the guilt of even asking that question. 


Now, don't get me wrong, doing your job well is not the issue here. Competence isn't the villain. The real problem is doing more – the constant hustle, the overachievement, and the overdelivering without acknowledgment – that doesn't always lead to feeling more fulfilled. And yet, daring to be more? That's the real shift. Because being more isn't about checking more boxes. It's about showing up more fully, with all your creativity, perspective, and actual personality intact. Even the parts that make others think you're a bit weird. 


But the thing is that the professional world often rewards conformity. The pressure to perform is sky high, and for women especially, it often feels safer to blend in, to play by the rules, and not ruffle any feathers. You become a master at making yourself palatable, agreeable, high-functioning, and above all, non-threatening. You learn to 'read the room', anticipate power dynamics, choose your words carefully, and make your work look like what everyone else is doing. Because standing out, even for the right reasons, can come with unpleasant consequences. 


And sure, that might feel like safety, but that comes at a cost. It's the cost of authenticity, energy, creativity, and frankly, joy. It's the cost of becoming someone you no longer recognize, or worse, someone you no longer enjoy being. That kind of safety starts to feel more like a cage that you're trapped in. 


So, what does it mean to dare to be more? It can start with something small: saying the thing you're actually thinking, suggesting a new way of doing a task that might actually fix something that's been broken for what seems like forever, or bringing a bit of humor to liven things up in a meeting where everyone's just going through the motions and completely checked out. These tiny acts of defiance against the status quo, these micromoments of showing up more fully can radically transform your day-to-day experience. 


Because simply going through the motions is exhausting in its own way. Maintenance mode might look productive from the outside, but on the inside it can be soul-crushing. You do what's necessary, you keep things running, but eventually it starts to feel like you're fading. Like your job is something happening to you, not something you're actively participating in. And you start to wonder, "How did I get here?". 


So much of that stagnation is wrapped up in fear. And fear, as it turns out, is loud, persistent, and endlessly resourceful. Your inner critic will happily dredge up things you said in a meeting five years ago, or remind you of how awkward you were when you first started in your job. It feeds on everything – criticism from strangers, passive-aggressive comments from colleagues, and even those well-meaning warnings from friends and family who don't want you to draw too much attention to yourself. It has decades worth of material ready to go. 


Meanwhile, seeing possibility is what takes real effort. It doesn't come knocking unless you go looking for it. 


And just when you start to think, maybe you could raise your hand for that new project, or maybe you could propose a different approach, or maybe you could finally do the thing you've been daydreaming about, that inner critic swoops in. It tells you you're not ready. It tells you you're not 'that kind of person'. It tells you that there are reams and reams of evidence that you're not the one for the job. It gets louder the second you try to move beyond your comfort zone, because that feels scary. 


And unfortunately, your inner critic isn't always wrong – but in this case, it might be outdated. It's built on old stories, and you're not that version of you anymore. You've done hard things, and you've survived worse. And the truth is, you'll never silence your inner critic without gathering evidence that counters its narrative. You have to prove it to yourself by doing something that stretches you, even just a little bit. That's how you make a dent in the fear. 


And honestly, work doesn't have to be joyless just because it's hard. Sometimes, the challenge itself is where the joy comes from. There's a particular kind of satisfaction that comes from testing your limits and learning something new that might have felt somewhat intimidating at first. The fun of work isn't always in the tasks – it's in the growth, the camaraderie, the spark of creativity, and the shared absurdity of it all. And none of that is frivolous. It's the glue that makes hard work sustainable. It's what keeps people from checking out or spiraling into existential dread every Sunday night.


But we've been trained – conditioned, really – to believe that professionalism means stripping all of that away. Don't be too loud, don't be too weird, and certainly don't be too emotional. Be composed, be credible, and take this seriously. This is what we're told. And somewhere along the line, we started mistaking seriousness for substance. We traded our enjoyment for respectability and forgot that the two don't have to be mutually exclusive.


Think back to when you were first starting out. What did you hope work would feel like? What did you expect it to be? A place to learn? A place to collaborate? A place to feel energized, challenged, and connected? Sure, maybe a little messy and stressful, but also exciting? And now, it's likely become more about survival than inspiration. That spark has been dulled by outdated expectations, performative norms, and the exhausting pressure to be prim and proper and polished at all costs.


Would it surprise you to learn that you don't have to accept that version of work? You can change how you experience it. And it starts with one small act at a time, with you just daring to be more. 


Maybe that means wearing what makes you feel confident rather than what's 'expected', that also just so happens to make you invisible. Maybe it means calling out a process that no longer makes sense and showing how things could be simpler or more streamlined. Maybe it's letting your personality show more in your writing, the way you run your meetings, and your everyday interactions with those around you. Maybe it's choosing to treat your next team meeting like more of a conversation rather than a performance. Maybe it's allowing yourself to find delight in something, even if no one else does. Because work can actually be fun, at least for you. 


And once you start doing it, once you start showing up more fully – even in tiny ways – it's easier to keep going. You'll start to feel less stuck, less invisible, less like you're waiting for something to change, and more like you are the change. It's not about being reckless and doing something that you'll regret down the line; it's about being brave enough to try being more you, even if your voice shakes and even if you don't know yet how it'll all work out. And what if you did it not for a promotion or a raise or even for external validation, but simply to feel more alive in your own work again? 


Because, honestly, that's reason enough. 


Now, let's talk about the subtle contortions we put ourselves through in the name of looking professional. You know the ones – modifying your voice to sound more authoritative, double-checking your emails for the tenth time to remove any hint of emotion, choosing neutral outfits that say, "I belong" rather than, "I'm me", or doing extra work just to prove you're reliable, even when no one asked. It's exhausting. And we do it because somewhere along the line, we were taught, directly or indirectly, that in order to be respected, credible, and taken seriously, we had to sand off the edges, hide our quirks, and color inside the lines. 


But all that time we spend trying to look the part is time we're not spending actually contributing in valuable and meaningful ways. We spend more time conforming than creating, more energy proving than producing. And the irony is, the more you try to prove you belong, the more you're telling yourself you probably don't. 


This is especially true for women working in male-dominated environments. When you walk into a room and no one looks like you, it's natural to scan yourself for anything that might stand out and quickly smooth it over – even the best parts, like your quirky sense of humor, your insight, or your unique way of thinking through a problem, or your ability to connect the dots others don't even see. All that is pure gold, but it doesn't always look like professionalism. So, we tuck it away and water it down, so we can present the version of ourselves that feels the most palatable. 


And let's not pretend this is harmless. This performative professionalism – this pressure to appear polished and predictable – comes at a huge personal cost. It chips away at your confidence. It drains your energy. It creates distance between who you are and who you're pretending to be from 9 to 5. The longer you do it, the harder it becomes to remember what it felt like to just be yourself. 


Which is wild when you think about it, because most of us were hired precisely because of our unique combination of skills, experiences, and perspectives. Someone saw that potential in you that maybe you couldn't see in yourself. You were selected from a pool of qualified candidates because someone saw something in you. Not in the watered-down version of you, not in the version who always colors inside the lines, but in the actual, fully human, slightly weird, occasionally brilliant version of you. 


So, why do we stop showing up as that person once we get in the office door? 


Because somewhere between the interview and onboarding, we get the memo – spoken or unspoken – that our quirks and instincts should be muted in favor of doing whatever we can to try to belong. But belonging isn't blending in. Belonging is about being seen as you are and still being accepted. And if your workplace doesn't make room for that, it's not a culture of professionalism – it's a culture of conformity and performance. 


Now, I'm not saying that professionalism doesn't have its place. I'm saying redefine it. Infuse it with humanity. Let it include things like honesty, empathy, creativity, and yes, even fun. Because there's a whole lot more power in showing up as the real you than as a poor imitation of someone you're not.


And this starts with small, doable things. Tiny acts of authenticity that remind everyone, including yourself, that we're all human. Like checking in at the start of a meeting with a quick, "Hey, on a scale of one to five, how's everyone doing today?" and then actually listening to what people have to say. Or, admitting when you don't know the answer instead of pretending that you do. 


These moments matter. They create psychological safety – something every high-functioning team desperately needs, but few actually build. Psychological safety means people can speak up, try something new, ask for help, and show their work before it's perfect. And it starts with courage, vulnerability, and presence, when someone dares to be just a little bit more real. 


And when you do that – you give others permission to do it, too. That's when good things start to happen. People loosen up. Ideas flow more freely. Collaboration gets easier. Trust deepens. And all of a sudden, work starts feeling a little less like a performance and more like a shared experience worth engaging in.


It's worth noting that this doesn't just benefit you. There's an emotional ripple effect when someone chooses to be more rather than just do more. When you show up as yourself, with your true personality, it impacts your team, your workplace culture, and your outcomes. People notice and they tend to engage more fully because you're doing the same. You become the person they want to brainstorm with, grab coffee with, and bring in on the next big project – not because you're trying to impress them, but because your energy feels real, generous, confident, and grounded. 


And when you combine your brilliance with just a little bit of mischief, that's where the magic happens. I'm not talking about creating chaos. I'm talking about being the one who tries a slightly different approach, just to see what might happen. The one who suggests a theme for your next team meeting, just because it might spark a little laughter and lighten the mood.


You get to bring you to your work in ways only you can. And that's the difference between surviving work and engaging with it. 


When you do this, when you dare to be more – even if it's just one tiny degree more – you create joy, not just for yourself, but for others. Your energy is contagious. Your bravery gives others a bit of courage, too. And honestly, that's how work culture changes. Not all at once, but moment by moment and person by person. 


Of course, none of this is easy. It takes effort to show up more fully in systems that don't always tolerate it, let alone reward it. It takes practice to quiet the inner critic who tells you to stay small and just be grateful you're here. And it's a risk to show up as more of yourself when you're not sure how it will be received. But the alternative is spending your entire career trying to pretend you're someone you're not. And honestly, I think that's too high a cost. 


So, if you're tired of coasting, tired of just trying to make it through the workday, and wondering if it could be better – the answer is yes. But it starts with you. It's how you show up in the next interaction where you choose to bring a little more of yourself into view. It's in the playfulness and perspective that you allow yourself to bring into the room. 


Work takes up a huge chunk of our waking hours. It's likely the single most time-consuming activity of your adult life. Which means, even if you're not one of those 'live to work' people, you still deserve a workday that feels like something more than just a checklist of deliverables and stress-induced headaches. 


And yet, most of us are living like joy is something we'll get around to once we retire or once things 'settle down'. You know, someday. After the promotion. After the kids get older. After this busy quarter. After you finally catch up. But I hate to tell you, someday is not a plan; it's a delay tactic. 


There's more to living than work, and you already know this. But when your work takes up so much of your time and energy, it becomes the backdrop of your life – quietly dictating how much sleep you get, how much patience you have, how available you are to the people you love, and how much you believe in yourself. That's the real cost of performative professionalism and overworking. It's not just your evenings or weekends that are at risk, it's your whole sense of self. 


Even if you love your job, there's still an opportunity cost to giving it every last drop of your energy. Because you can love your work and still need to recharge. You can care about your career and still call it a day at a reasonable time. In fact, setting boundaries and reclaiming your energy often makes you better at your job. It clears the fog, sharpens your thinking, makes you more pleasant to be around, and it reminds everyone around you that it's okay to take time to take care of yourself. 


But we tend to enter a danger zone when conformity, busyness, and performance start to replace connection, creativity, and presence. That's when work stops being something you do and starts being something you endure. It's when you become so focused on doing things 'the right way' that you forget to ask if they're even the right things. 


So, how do you avoid that trap? How do you resist falling into the "this is just how it is" mentality? 


First, you challenge yourself with daily dares – small, deliberate acts of rebellion against the monotony, the expectations of others, or the box you've been trying to squeeze yourself into. Maybe that means asking a bold question in a meeting, wearing something that feels more like you, starting your workday with your favorite playlist, if only while sitting in your car in the parking lot, sending that thank you email that you've been meaning to write. If those don't resonate with you, think of other ways you could share a piece of your real personality in a professional setting. These aren't earth shattering changes, but they are cracks in the armor. The good kind. The kind that lets your real self breathe. 


Second, find those little joys that only come from setting boundaries that protect your energy. Maybe that's not checking your phone after dinner. Maybe it's blocking time in your calendar for focused work, walking meetings, or actually taking your lunch break as time away from your desk. Maybe it's saying, "I don't have capacity for that right now" and letting that be a full sentence. You get to decide what boundaries serve you – not because you're slacking, but because you're smart enough to know that exhausted, miserable people don't do their best work. 


So, I invite you to ask yourself, "Where have you slipped into 'good enough' because the spark is gone or it feels safer not to stand out?". Start there. That one task, meeting, or habit that's become automatic. What's one way you could challenge yourself to be more in the moment? Not do more, but rather be more. Maybe you slow down and bring more intention to it. Maybe you approach it like a game or with a sense of humor. Or, you let yourself try something differently with no expectation that it will lead to anything. Whatever it is, let it be just slightly more you than yesterday. 


Because I can bet that you've probably been concealing some pretty amazing parts of yourself in order to look "professional". And not only is that a loss for you – it's a loss for everyone around you. Your team misses out on your ideas. Your workplace misses out on your full contributions. And you miss out on feeling more alive in the job you do every day. 


So, what would it look like – or better yet, what would it feel like – if work were more fun? Not hypothetical, not after this big thing, not once you're more established, but this week. What would it look like to feel more joy in your work? What could you accomplish if you weren't stuck inside the performative, professional persona you've been carefully maintaining for so long and simply dared to be more? 


Because, let's be honest, the illusion of security we're all working so hard to preserve is just that – an illusion. There's no such thing as company loyalty or guaranteed job security anymore. Things can change in an instant. Companies restructure, whole departments get laid off, leadership changes, entire industries get disrupted overnight. And yet, we cling to this idea that if we just work hard enough, follow all the rules, and don't cause a fuss, everything will stay stable. 


I hate to tell you, it won't. But you can stay grounded in who you are, in how you want to show up, and in what kind of work experience you're trying to build.


That's what this is really about. Choosing to be a little more you, a little more human, and a little more real. Injecting mischief and meaning back into your day. Taking small risks that allow for more connection and creativity. Because when you do that, when you start creating a workday that reflects who you are, you start liking work again. Not because it got easier, but because it suits you better.


So, go make that small tweak in how you do things. Say the thing you've been holding back. Listen to the playlist. Wear the funky socks. Challenge the unspoken rules. And when in doubt, ask the bigger question: "Is this how I want to be spending my time?". Because your time is not disposable. Your joy is not negotiable. And your presence can be powerful – when you let it be. 


You don't need anyone's permission to bring more of yourself to work. That's what they hired you for. You're allowed to enjoy your work and to have some fun. And you're allowed to dare to be more. 


Because when you change how you show up, you start to change how work feels. And that, in itself, is worth everything. 


And that's it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Daring To Be More At Work at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and eighty-five.


Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I'm on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com. 


If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It's my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what's holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I'd love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.  


Until next week, I'm Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.


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