184. Is It Dangerous To Hope Things Will Get Better?
- cindyesliger
- Sep 18
- 13 min read
Hope can feel risky when we’ve faced rejection, but without it, we risk coasting, shrinking our ambitions, and settling for less than we deserve. By treating hope not as passive wishing but as an active strategy grounded in clarity and action, we fuel resilience, confidence, and possibility. When we retrain our brains to focus on gratitude, hope, and strength, we create momentum that carries us forward and transforms how we show up in our careers.
It’s exhausting to keep trying when it feels like your hard work is getting you nowhere.
Are you afraid that hoping for more in your career will only set you up for disappointment? Are you stuck in survival mode, settling for less because it feels safer than risking rejection? Are you tired of waiting for recognition and ready to explore how hope can fuel action instead of passivity?
You’ll learn that hope is not a fragile emotion but a powerful strategy when paired with clarity and action, helping you reignite ambition, retrain your mindset, and create new opportunities in your career.
WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER
Why losing hope is often more dangerous than holding onto it
3 practical tips to retrain your brain each day to focus on hope for things to get better
Why treating hope as a strategic force—rather than passive wishing—changes how you advocate for yourself and how others respond to you
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TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and eight-four. I'm your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way.
Hope is complicated. On one hand, it's the thing that keeps us going when the recognition we deserve is slow to arrive, when our ambitions get met with resistance, or when we've played by the rules only to find out that they don't apply to us. On the other hand, hope can feel downright dangerous. We're taught not to expect too much, to keep our heads down, to settle for what we are given and be grateful for it. Hoping for something better – more opportunity, more visibility, or more reward – opens us up to the possibility of disappointment. And let's be honest, when you've already had enough of that, it makes sense to question whether it's worth it to keep hoping.
In this episode, we explore the possibility that we've been thinking about this all wrong. What if hope isn't some fragile emotion that leaves us vulnerable, but instead a fierce and necessary force – one that fuels momentum, unlocks potential, and drives us to act with clarity and conviction? This isn't about blind optimism or waiting around for things to improve. It's about embracing the tension between what you want and what scares you, and choosing to show up anyway. When you stop treating hope like a risk and start using it like a strategy, it can transform not just how you feel about your future, but what you actually do to make it happen.
For many of us, hope can feel like a liability – something that might set you up for disappointment if (or when) things don't magically improve. And like me, I'm sure you've probably been on the receiving end of the saying, "Don't get your hopes up" more times than you can count.
Because what happens if things don't get better? What if you finally speak up, ask for more, go after that promotion, or raise your hand for the kind of opportunity that could change everything, only to have that door slammed in your face, again? It's exhausting to keep trying when it feels like your hard work is getting you nowhere. You've done all the right things. You followed the rules. You exceeded expectations. You made sure not to ruffle feathers. And still... here you are. Stuck. Overlooked. Second-guessed. That's when hope can feel like a cruel joke.
And yet, without it – what's left?
Feeling hopeful does feel risky. Especially when you've raised your hand before and were told to wait your turn. Or when your brilliant idea got attributed to someone else. Or when the key role on that project went to the guy with the grey hair who barely knew what the project was even about, let alone how to properly manage a client. So, yeah, if hope feels like a trap, you're not being dramatic. You're responding to real patterns, real power dynamics, and real disappointment.
And that's not even the worst part, because while having hope might feel dangerous, losing hope is often much more so.
When we stop hoping, we start coasting. We lower our expectations, we downsize our ambitions, and we tell ourselves things like, "maybe this is just as good as it gets". Coasting looks like staying quiet in meetings, even when we have something important to contribute. It looks like brushing off dreams of leadership because "I'm not politically savvy enough for that". It looks like staying in a role that drains you because you've stopped believing there's something better out there for you.
Coasting is survival mode disguised as contentment – and over time, it eats away at your ambition, your spark, and your ability to imagine a better future. And that's a problem, because when we stop imagining what could be better, we stop creating it for ourselves.
Now, contrast that with someone who dares to hope. I'm not talking about toxic positivity or downright delusion. I mean someone who says, "This is hard, yes, but I believe there's more out there for me, and I'm going to go and find it". Someone who knows that they might not get a 'yes' the first time, but asks anyway. Someone who sets their sights on a goal that seems just out of reach and moves toward it with purpose. That kind of hope, grounded in action, isn't naive.
It's powerful. And, it changes everything.
Because we've been taught not to expect too much. Don't ask for more than you're offered. Don't be too ambitious. Don't rock the boat. And don't be 'that woman'. So, it should come as no surprise that hope feels threatening. It pushes against every unspoken rule we were conditioned to follow. But, is compliance really getting you where you want to go?
So, yes, the fear is real. But so is the possibility for something different.
Hope invites you to look at your current reality and ask, "What if it didn't have to be this way?". It's that glimmer of hope that keeps many of us going. And yes, there's a risk that nothing changes – but there's a greater risk that you let your vision for the future shrink down to the size of your current frustration in an attempt to protect yourself from disappointment.
That's the false hope narrative in action. It says, "Don't get your hopes up or you'll get hurt". But it forgets the other part: Not getting your hopes up guarantees nothing will change. The goal isn't to pretend things are better than they are – it's to believe that better is possible and then go after it.
Let's get something straight. Hope isn't passive. It's not waiting for someone to swoop in and save the day, save your career, or save you from yourself. Hope paired with action is how change happens.
It's what changes your sense of what's possible for you. You've probably seen it: someone in your company asks for something bold and, against all odds, they get it. Someone pushes past their self-doubt, speaks up, and finds a whole new level of visibility. And you think, "Wait, they can do that? Maybe I can too".
Because sometimes, the only reason we believe something can't be done is because we haven't seen it done, yet. But eventually, someone does it. And once one person breaks through, it's easier for the rest of us to see it as attainable. That's what possibility looks like. You don't have to wait for permission to change what's available to you. You just have to believe that you can be that exception.
So, keep an open mind about what might be attainable, especially when the evidence around you is discouraging. It takes work to learn to look past the limits and ask, "What else could be true here?". It might not be easy, and it might not happen quickly, but hope paired with action can shift your mindset so that more of what you want feels available to you.
There's a big difference between an unmet goal and the belief that something is impossible. One simply hasn't happened yet, and the other stops you from even trying. It's not always easy to spot when that shift has happened internally, but it sounds like this, "I tried once and it didn't work, so I guess that's not for me". No, it just didn't work that time, or in that way, under those conditions. There's a chance it could still happen, if you just try again.
This doesn't mean ignoring the real obstacles out there, but it does mean refusing to internalize them as personal limits.
Hope won't eliminate all fear, disappointment, or rejection. But, it will fuel your next step. It keeps you in the game. And when you stay in the game, even when it's hard, you give yourself a fighting chance to shape a career that actually works for you.
So, is it dangerous to hope?
Sure, it can be, if you use it as a reason to sit back and wait for something to magically improve on its own. But if you treat hope as the fuel to keep you going, it becomes the beginning of your next big move.
And frankly, you deserve more. Hope lets you believe that better is possible, and then it dares you to do something about it.
Too many people think hope is just sitting around, waiting for someone to rescue them, while doing absolutely nothing to change their situation. You know, waiting for your boss to suddenly notice your effort, for your company to finally reward your loyalty, or for someone to just swoop in and offer you the perfect opportunity on a silver platter. And yet, I hate to break it to you, but that's not how any of this works.
Hope is not about waiting to be saved. It's not about crossing your fingers and hoping someone sees your potential while you keep your head down, grinding away, completely invisible to those with the power to make career decisions. That's not hope – that's pure fantasy. And that's why so many people dismiss hope as naive or weak or somehow dangerous. We've confused passive wishing with active, purposeful hope. And thankfully, they're not the same thing.
Real hope, the kind that actually moves your career forward, is assertive and strategic. It requires clarity, action, and a little bit of courage. If you want something more in your career, whether it's more responsibility, more flexibility, more money, more purpose, more space to breathe, then you have to name it. That means getting specific about what you want, why you want it, and how it serves not just you, but how it benefits your team and your company's mission. Then you have to ask for it, boldly and directly.
And, here's the most important part, you've got to make it easy for them to say yes.
Let's look at a few examples.
You want a raise? Don't just hope your boss notices that you've been quietly taking on a significant amount of additional work. Document your contributions. Align them with business outcomes. Show how your value has increased and how your compensation hasn't kept up. Then, present your case with confidence and a clear number in mind.
You want a role on that exciting project that will give you a chance to demonstrate your leadership skills? Make it known. Tell your manager you're looking for opportunities to grow your influence, and suggest the role that both interests you and needs to be filled. Show how you're ready – not someday, but now.
You want more visibility with senior leadership to further your career ambitions? Don't wait to be tapped. Speak up in meetings. Share wins with context. Volunteer to lead. Make it clear that you're not just a great team player, you're a great future leader.
This is where hope meets action. Not maybe someday, but here's what I'm aiming for, and here's why I'm ready. It's that clarity and conviction that turns hope from a fluffy feeling into a powerful force.
Now, let's address one of the reasons this can feel so hard. You may not realize it, but your brain is working against you.
Our brains have what psychologists call a 'negativity bias'. It means we tend to notice and remember what went wrong far more than what went right. Because, back in the day, it was a survival skill that helped to keep us alive. Today, it just means we're more likely to obsess over that one awkward comment we made in the meeting last week than to recognize the five things we've done well since then.
And when your brain gets focused on what's wrong, it's hard to imagine that anything could go right. It gets harder to dream, harder to believe in possibilities, and harder to hope – because the negativity bias is constantly reminding you, "Be careful not to get your hopes up. Don't forget what happened last time".
But the good news is that you can retrain your brain. It doesn't have to stay stuck in fear, doubt, or worst-case scenarios. And it's not that hard to do. You just need a few minutes each night. That's it. I know it sounds too simple, and I was skeptical at first, too.
Here's what to do: before you go to bed each night, or whenever works best for you, answer three simple questions:
What is one thing I can appreciate about today? This can be big or small. Maybe it's a win at work, a great cup of coffee, a good conversation, or just the fact that you survived a difficult moment without losing your cool. The point is to notice what went right, no matter how small.
What am I hopeful about for tomorrow or the future? Again, keep it simple. Maybe you're hopeful that a meeting will go well. Maybe you're hopeful that a new habit you're working on will stick. Maybe you're hopeful about the future of your role, your team, or just having one day where everything runs smoothly. What matters is there something specific that you're looking forward to.
What inner strength did I demonstrate today? Give yourself credit where credit is due. Maybe you set a much needed boundary. Maybe you spoke up and shared your idea. Maybe you stayed calm during a particularly chaotic situation. Maybe you finally made a tough decision. Whatever it is, name it. This builds the self-recognition loop – the habit of seeing yourself as the capable, resilient, strong person you are.
Here's why this works. Research shows that our brains are incredibly responsive to repetition. When you consistently reflect on what's good, what's possible, and what you're already doing well, we actually start to believe it.
Studies show that a regular gratitude practice boosts happiness, reduces anxiety and depression, strengthens relationships, and even helps you sleep better. Hope is equally powerful. It's linked to increased motivation, higher resilience, and better coping skills during setbacks. And when you combine the two, you create a mindset that's realistically optimistic – a trait that's strongly correlated with long-term career satisfaction and success.
Because here's what happens. Those three questions you ask yourself each night start to rewire your thought patterns. Instead of obsessing over what went wrong in your day, you start noticing what went right. Instead of fixating on how stuck you feel, you begin to see the ways you're already moving forward. Instead of constantly questioning your ability to handle the challenges ahead, you start building a mountain of evidence that you already have what it takes.
These small mental shifts compound, and over time, they help improve your mood, your confidence, and your sense of control. And, you might just find that you sleep better, too. Because when your mind is focused on appreciation, hope, and strength, it's a lot easier to drift off than when it's replaying every awkward interaction and misstep from the recent past.
And again, this doesn't have to be a big deal. You can write them down if you want, or you can just run through the questions in your head as you brush your teeth or crawl into bed. It takes maybe two minutes, but it just might have a huge impact on your mindset.
One of the biggest mistakes we make in our career is assuming that if we work hard enough and keep our heads down, someone will eventually notice. But, I hate to tell you, recognition doesn't work that way. You don't get noticed for being quiet and patient while waiting for someone else to just happen to stumble across your brilliance. You don't even get noticed when the client complaints stop, once you've been assigned to their project. You may have eliminated a big headache for your boss, but unless it's brought to their attention, they just don't notice because they've already moved on to their next big concern.
You've got to show up and say, "Here's what I've done that's worth noticing. Here's what I want. Here's why I'm ready. Here's why it matters. And, here's how it's good for both of us".
And that requires believing that it's okay to want something more than what you currently have, that what you want is worth reaching for – and that you're worthy of it, too. That requires hope.
So, if hope feels risky, ask yourself this: what's the alternative? Coasting for another few years? Settling for less than you deserve? Struggling just to get through the day?
Because…
when you start noticing more of what went right, instead of obsessing over what went wrong…
when you start believing that there are new, exciting paths forward, not just dead ends…
when you start recognizing your strength instead of questioning it…
that's when things start to change. And not just inside your own head.
When you feel more hopeful about your future, you carry yourself differently. You speak with more conviction. You advocate for yourself more clearly and confidently. You set stronger boundaries. You say no without guilt and yes without fear. And that energy? It's contagious. It makes you a better leader, collaborator, innovator, and mentor. And, it also gives people the confidence to put their reputation on the line and push your request up the chain.
This is why hope is powerful, rather than a danger to be avoided. You may still encounter pushback, resistance, and people who can't see your worth. I'm not saying that your workplace or your industry will transform overnight. But, you can decide, right now, that hope is worth the risk.
So, here's what I invite you to do next: identify one thing you're hopeful for in the near future and choose one small action that you can take this week to move yourself in that direction.
Hope may feel risky, especially when your career has taught you to expect less, but it's also the fuel that can reignite your ambition and move you toward what you really want.
When paired with action, clarity, and reflection, hope becomes a powerful strategy – not a dangerous emotion that leads to disappointment. You don't have to wait for changes to happen. You can be the one doing the work – quietly building belief in yourself, practicing clarity, and advocating for what you want, by simply shifting your mindset, day by day.
And that's it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Tracking Your Hopes For The Future at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and eighty-four.
Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I'm on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com.
If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It's my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what's holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I'd love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.
Until next week, I'm Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.
