170. How Is This To My Benefit?

Not every workplace slight is a reflection of our worth, but each one offers a chance to grow stronger and more strategic. Choosing to reframe challenges into stepping stones allows us to shift from reacting emotionally to acting intentionally. Together, we can own our voice, reclaim our power, and shape the path forward on our terms.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of framing each setback as confirmation that you’re not good enough, not welcome, or not capable.

Are you questioning your worth after being dismissed, overlooked, or sidelined at work? Are you trying to stay professional while secretly burning out from the emotional labor of dealing with toxic behavior? Are you tired of feeling like you have to downplay your competence to keep others comfortable?

You'll learn that your response to workplace challenges has more power than the challenge itself. Reframing setbacks as fuel for growth allows you to shift from frustration to strategic empowerment.

WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER

• Why your ability to reframe adversity can define—not derail—your career trajectory

• 10 intentional steps to help you use those experiences to build an even stronger foundation for your success

• Why mastering your internal narrative is critical to sustaining resilience and visibility

  
  

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DOWNLOAD GUIDE TO TURNING SETBACKS INTO SUCCESS

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TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and seventy. I'm your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Workplace challenges are inevitable. Whether it's a subtle slight during a meeting, an overt attempt to dismiss your contributions, or even outright mistreatment, these moments can sting and, over time, erode your confidence and ambition. But, what you might not realize is that you have the power to shape what these experiences mean. By reframing challenges into opportunities for growth, you can transform even the most frustrating situations into stepping stones for career advancement. It's not about ignoring the hurt or downplaying the impact; it's about deciding that these obstacles won't define you – they'll refine how you show up in the workplace. 

In this episode, we explore reframing as not just a mindset shift, but as an important career strategy. It involves crafting empowering narratives about your past experiences, identifying the lessons they hold, and making intentional choices to act on these insights. By approaching adversity with resilience and perspective, you can keep moving forward, no matter what comes your way. The goal isn't just survival – it's growth, empowerment, and turning those professional roadblocks into the fuel that propels you closer to your aspirations. After all, the most satisfying form of success often comes from thriving in the very circumstances designed to hold you back.

Workplace challenges are a fact of life and often arrive without warning. No matter how talented, dedicated, or thoughtful you are, there will be times when people misinterpret your skills and experience as a threat. One moment you're doing your job with diligence and heart, and the next you're sidelined, without explanation. It can leave you questioning everything – your worth, your place on the team, and even your future at the organization.

But amid the confusion and frustration, there lies a profound opportunity: the chance to decide what these experiences will mean for you. Will they become the reason you take yourself out of contention, or will they be the reason you beat the odds? 

It's tempting to believe that if you just worked harder, explained yourself more clearly, or showed even more goodwill, you could neutralize how threatened they feel. But unfortunately, you can't. People are going to do what they're going to do, regardless of how reasonable or likable you are. Their insecurities, fears about their own career mobility, or even unconscious biases will drive them to behave in ways that are dismissive, undermining, and outright aggressive. 

The truth is, their behavior is not about you; it's about them. What you can control is how you respond, how you interpret your experiences, and how you use those experiences to build an even stronger foundation for your success.

We'll walk through the ten steps together to do just that: 

Step 1: Acknowledge the Setback – But Don't Let It Define You

The first act of courage is to acknowledge the hurt. There's no getting around the fact that workplace slights sting. They undermine your confidence and, if left unchecked, can make you question your worth. Acknowledging that hurt is essential. You don't need to minimize it, dismiss it, or tell yourself it 'shouldn't matter'. Because, the truth is, it does.

Pretending otherwise doesn't make you stronger – it makes you detached from your own emotional reality. Being interrupted in a meeting, being talked over, or having your contributions minimized – all of it chips away at your confidence, if you don't meet it head-on. 

But the crucial choice comes next: you get to decide what this experience will mean. You can let it etch self-doubt into your mind, or you can see it as proof that your ideas, your leadership, or your presence are powerful enough to make others uncomfortable. You can absorb their behavior as evidence of your inadequacy, or you can recognize it for what it often is: a mirror of their insecurity, not your lack of value. 

Step 2: Accept That People Will Behave According to Their Fears, Not Your Merits

Recognizing that people will do and say whatever they want frees you from the exhausting emotional labor of trying to fix what is fundamentally outside of your control. Some colleagues may see your ambition, your skill, or your leadership potential and feel threatened. Instead of grappling with their own inadequacies, they may lash out at you. This is not your battle to fight. 

You are not responsible for other people's insecurities. Your job is to remain focused on what is within your control: your work, your character, your perspective, and your response. You are not obligated to make yourself less impressive just to make others feel more comfortable.

When you recognize that others' bad behavior is a mirror of their own internal struggle, not a reflection of your worth, you can walk away from their attempts to drag you down with your dignity intact. You don't have to waste your strength trying to fix, explain, or win over people who have already decided to see you through the lens of competition. 

Instead, you free yourself to focus on what truly matters: your work, your vision, and your integrity. This realization is not cynical; it's liberating. It shifts the burden off your shoulders and puts the energy back where it belongs – on building your success. 

Step 3: Reframe Setbacks as Stepping Stones

One of the most powerful mindset shifts you can make is to reframe every setback as a stepping stone. Every time you're dismissed, overlooked, or underestimated, it can either chip away at your spirit or refine your strategy. It shows you where you are needed most, where you must grow next, and where your skills can become sharper, and your presence even more commanding. 

If you're passed over for a promotion, maybe it's time to broaden your skill set, expand your network, or reposition yourself within the company – or maybe beyond it. If your ideas are routinely ignored in meetings, take that as motivation to build visibility and credibility elsewhere. Document your contributions, seek out champions who will advocate for you, and find new avenues to showcase your value. If someone becomes aggressive or openly hostile, channel your frustration into focused, high-impact work. 

Instead of internalizing setbacks as signs that you should step back, start seeing them as a signal for you to step up. Nothing quiets doubters like undeniable results. Setbacks can be painful – but when you reframe them as invitations for strategic growth, they can become powerful tools in your ascent.

Step 4: Master the stories you tell yourself

The way you tell the story of your experiences, even just to yourself, matters profoundly. It's easy to fall into the trap of framing each setback as confirmation that you're not good enough, not welcome, or not capable. But those narratives are a choice, and they are choices that either propel you forward or hold you back. 

Instead of internalizing workplace slights as evidence of your inadequacy, you can choose to view them as evidence of your resilience and growth. Rather than saying, "I keep getting overlooked because I'm not good enough", reframe it to, "I've had to work harder to be seen and my presence disrupts the status quo, and that's necessary for real change to happen". 

It's not the events themselves that determine your trajectory, it's the story you choose to tell about them. Your story should highlight your resilience, your resourcefulness, and your refusal to back down in the face of challenge. Remember, your past does not dictate your future unless you allow the wrong story to define you. 

Step 5: Identify Patterns and Learn From Them

When setbacks happen, they can feel random and isolating. But often, it's worth stepping back and examining the patterns. Are you consistently overlooked, dismissed, or minimized? Are you always given the work that's a bit of a grind, but never the spotlight opportunities? Are you finding yourself chronically sidelined or your contributions made to seem invisible? These patterns aren't just coincidences. They hold clues. 

They can illuminate systemic issues within your organization, but they can also highlight areas for your own strategic growth. Examine these patterns with curiosity. What lessons can you extract from these repeated experiences? What gaps exist between where you are and where you want to be? What boundaries might you need to strengthen? What communication skills could you sharpen? Instead of passively enduring the same frustrations over and over, you can mine them for actionable insights.

Step 6: Distill Lessons Into Personal Wisdom

The next step is turning those insights into wisdom – and then, that wisdom into action. It's not enough to intellectually understand what went wrong; you need to distill these lessons into strategies that you can actually use. 

When you recognize a gap, craft a clear principle that addresses it. If the lesson is about needing to be more vocal, create a rule for yourself: "Speak up, even if it feels uncomfortable". If the lesson is about recognizing that others' insecurities are not yours to manage, reinforce the mantra: "Their discomfort is not my responsibility". These distilled statements become your internal guideposts, giving you clarity when the workplace waters get murky. By practicing these principles consistently, you shift from reactive to strategic, and that's where the real power lies. 

Step 7: Adjust Your Beliefs and Behaviors

Learning the lessons is crucial, but applying them is what creates real transformation. It's not enough to simply know better, you must do better. If something in your own beliefs or behaviors has contributed to the gap between what you hoped would happen and what actually did, you must be willing to change it. Otherwise, you stay trapped in a rinse-and-repeat cycle of frustration, disappointment, and self-doubt. 

Adjust your strategies. Experiment with new approaches. Take action that aligns with the future you want, not the fear you feel. If you've been too deferential, practice being more assertive. If you've been hiding your accomplishments, practice making them visible, without apology. Growth doesn't happen by accident. It happens by choice – and that choice is yours to make, every single day. 

Step 8: Build and Protect Your Resilience

Resilience isn't about never getting hurt. It's about feeling the anger and frustration – and deciding to heal, learn, and move forward stronger than before. Handling workplace challenges isn't about pretending to be unshakable. It's about cultivating the ability to bend without breaking and to come back stronger each time you're knocked down. 

Building resilience is a deliberate practice. Document your wins so that you have a tangible reminder of your capabilities when doubt creeps in. Build a network of peers, mentors, and champions who can offer perspective, support, and encouragement when the workplace feels isolating. Prioritize emotional self-care – because burnout doesn't make you a hero, it just makes you completely ineffective by taking you out of the game. 

Resilience is a choice. Every day you choose to show up, to try again, and to move forward, you are strengthening the muscle that will carry you past these obstacles. 

Step 9: Shift From Blame to Ownership

When facing setbacks, it's easy to get caught in cycles of blame – blaming annoying coworkers, broken systems, or even yourself. Blame is seductive because it offers immediate relief – but it's a trap. It keeps you tethered to the problem instead of moving you toward a solution. The more powerful move is to shift from blame to ownership. 

Ownership is harder and it's where you'll find the freedom. Ownership doesn't mean taking responsibility for others' bad behavior; it means taking responsibility for your own growth. When you stop asking, "Whose fault is this?" and start asking, "What will I do about it?", you shift from passive victim to actively shaping your own destiny. Ownership doesn't absolve others of the bad decisions they've made. It simply refuses to let them determine where this ends. 

Step 10: Choose Intentional Action Every Step of the Way

Thriving isn't a one-time decision. It's a daily, deliberate commitment that requires intentional choices. You must choose resilience over resentment, choose strategy over reaction, choose progress over perfection, and choose empowerment over adopting the victim mentality.

Every day, you will be offered the chance to retreat into fear, or step forward with courage. Every day, you will face moments where you can either hold yourself back in self-doubt, or step forward with clarity and intention. These choices compound. Over time, they create a career trajectory that isn't dependent on anyone else's permission or approval. 

Workplace challenges are real and they are painful. They will test your patience, your confidence, and your sense of fairness. But, they also present an extraordinary opportunity: the chance to become someone who isn't defined by the obstacles placed in their path, but by the choices they made in response. 

You cannot always choose what happens around you, but you can choose what happens within you. And you – right here, right now – have the power to make this the beginning of your transformation. 

Their fears, their games, and their opinions do not define you. Your strength, your wisdom, and your commitment to growth are what help you decide what's next for you. 

So, the next time the workplace tries to downsize your ambitions, remember you're not here to make yourself seem less competent for the comfort of others. You're here to shine so brightly that you light the way – not just for yourself, but for everyone who comes after you. 

Your success doesn't have to be defined by those who tried to hold you back. It can be defined by what you decided to do when that happened. What's next for you is only for you to decide – and it can be extraordinary, if you decide to make it so. 

And that's it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Turning Setbacks into Success at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and seventy.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen, and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I'm on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com. 

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It's my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what's holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I'd love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.  

Until next week, I'm Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.