169. Do You See More Good Than Bad
- cindyesliger
- Jun 4
- 12 min read
Emotional exhaustion has quietly taken over too much of our day-to-day, leaving us drained, detached, and struggling to stay focused. It’s easy to fall into the trap of overthinking, blaming, or trying to control things beyond our reach, but the power lies in recognizing what we can influence and choosing intentional responses. By taking inventory of what’s draining us, prioritizing what restores us, and reframing how we interpret setbacks, we begin to reclaim our energy and move forward with confidence.
Emotional exhaustion goes beyond a bad day or a tough week. It’s a state of chronic mental, physical, and emotional fatigue that chips away at your confidence and performance over time.
Are you feeling emotionally drained no matter how much you try to push through? Are you stuck in a cycle of overthinking what’s wrong instead of seeing what’s working? Are you struggling to regain control of your energy and confidence at work?
You’ll learn that reframing emotional exhaustion isn’t about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about recognizing what’s within your control, responding with intention, and building confidence through small, strategic shifts in focus and energy.
WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER
Why shifting from reacting to responding helps feel more empowered in tough situations
4 practical tips to assess what’s draining your energy
Why focusing on solutions instead of spiraling in frustration helps you see progress and build long-term resilience
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TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and sixty-nine. I'm your host Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way.
Emotional exhaustion is, unfortunately, all too common these days. The constant juggling act of professional demands, personal responsibilities, and societal expectations can leave even the most driven individuals feeling drained. It's not just about being tired – it's about feeling like you're running on empty, while trying to keep up appearances and deliver your best work. While emotional exhaustion may be part of the journey, it doesn't have to limit your career possibilities. By shifting your focus, learning to better manage your energy, and employing practical strategies, you can navigate these challenges with confidence and build your resilience.
In this episode, we help you acknowledge the tough moments while choosing to focus on the opportunities hidden within them. This isn't about slapping on a smile and pretending everything is fine. Whether it's reframing setbacks as learning experiences or finding the good amidst the chaos, the power lies in how you respond. By embracing a solution-oriented mindset, recognizing your progress, and prioritizing your well-being, you can regain control, restore your confidence, and continue advancing towards your goals – even in the most challenging environments. It's all about making the choice to see more good than bad.
Emotional exhaustion is that extreme weariness that creeps into your day, making everything, even the fun stuff, feel like yet another item on a never ending to-do list. For many of us, emotional exhaustion isn't just a buzzword – it's a lived reality.
While emotional exhaustion is common, it can be managed. It's a challenge you can tackle with a mix of awareness, strategy, and some determination. Emotional exhaustion goes beyond a bad day or a tough week. It's a state of chronic mental, physical, and emotional fatigue that chips away at your confidence and performance over time. Imagine running a marathon where the finish line keeps moving just out of reach. And, if that's not enough, every now and then someone throws a new obstacle in your path, just for good measure.
When you're emotionally exhausted, you might find it harder to focus, lose the drive to tackle new challenges, or question your ability to do the things you were once confident in doing. Left unchecked, it can snowball, impacting everything from your work quality to your relationships and even your health.
But let's be clear: you're not broken or failing. You're just human. And, if you've been doing all that is required of your role amid a less than ideal working environment, while balancing a million other responsibilities, it's no wonder you're feeling a little depleted.
I'm sure it comes as no surprise that the workplace is often a breeding ground for exhaustion. Maybe it's that one problem that never seems to get resolved, no matter how many meetings, emails, or 'circling back' sessions you've had. Or perhaps, it's pervasive inequality or subtle dismissals that chip away at your sense of belonging. Those microaggressions can certainly stack up over time.
The mental load of juggling multiple responsibilities takes a toll. Work deadlines, family obligations, family health appointments, grocery shopping – you name it. It can feel like everyone depends on your ability to plan, organize, and execute. And yet, this tends to be the invisible work that no one notices, let alone gives you credit for doing.
Even with all of that, in my experience, nothing drains your emotional battery faster than someone who just doesn't respect your boundaries. Add in a sprinkle of office politics, and it's no wonder you're feeling drained.
So, how do you know if you're running on empty? Here are four telltale signs:
Struggling to find joy: Activities that once brought you happiness, like your favorite hobbies or quality time with loved ones, now feel more like chores.
Increased reliance on distractions: Whether it's binge-watching a mindless show or doom-scrolling social media or feeling compelled to constantly check the news headlines, you might find yourself gravitating towards anything that takes your mind off your situation, even for a minute.
Feeling stuck or hopeless: You're just going through the motions, but everything feels heavy and progress seems out of reach.
Numbness: The emotional flatness that comes when you shut down to protect yourself, sometimes as a way to escape having to deal with what you're really feeling.
Sound familiar? Don't worry, you're not alone. Emotional exhaustion isn't a personal failing. Everyone feels it at some point, even if most people are too busy pretending everything's fine to admit it.
Acknowledging that this is a normal response to tough situations can be incredibly freeing. It's not just you. It's life. But, the fact that it's normal doesn't mean you have to stay stuck in it.
When you're exhausted, it's easy to spiral into negativity. But, dwelling on the bad stuff only feeds the problem. The more energy you pour into overthinking how unfair, difficult, or frustrating something (or someone) is, the less energy you have to actually fix it or even enjoy the parts of your life that are working.
The key is to flip the script. Instead of fixating on what's wrong, start asking yourself, "What's going well right now? What can I work with here?". Maybe that lingering workplace issue is a chance to show leadership. Maybe the overwhelming responsibilities are an opportunity to prioritize your tasks and practice delegating.
This may not feel comfortable or feel like a natural response. We are more apt to complain, make excuses, or distract ourselves than to consciously find something good about what's happening around us. But, with a little practice, shifting our focus can get easier over time.
Another trick is to channel that energy you have toward what you can influence. If you're pouring all your mental energy into things you can't control, you're going to feel drained.
Here are four tips to help you decide whether you are putting your energy into the right things:
1.Take Inventory
What's draining you the most right now? Before you can tackle your emotional exhaustion, you need to figure out what's causing it. Take an honest inventory of the things that are draining your energy. Is it a specific problem, a particular relationship with a colleague, or the constant juggling of deadlines, meetings, and personal responsibilities? Or, maybe it's the lack of recognition for all the hard work you've been putting in. Once you've identified your energy vampires, it's time to categorize them into three categories:
Things you can control (like your boundaries or your schedule)
Things you can influence (like team dynamics or workflow processes)
Things you can't control (like someone else's attitude or systemic challenges)
This clarity is your first step toward reclaiming your power.
2.Solve or Shift
Once you've identified the biggest drains, decide whether it's something you can solve, or you just need to change how you feel about it. If it's solvable, make a plan. If it's not, shift your focus to what you can control and manage your emotions around it. It's also worth remembering that you don't have to fix everything. Trying to control what's beyond your reach is completely unproductive. Instead, channel your energy into areas where you can make a difference.
Dealing with a toxic coworker? You can limit where, when, and how you interact with them.
Stuck with unrealistic deadlines? You can get some help with prioritizing your tasks and communicating your capacity.
This doesn't mean ignoring problems; it means focusing on solutions that are within your power. It's about reclaiming your agency and deciding how you want to show up, even in less-than-ideal situations.
3.Break the Pattern
Emotional exhaustion has a sneaky way of making everything feel insurmountable. The key to breaking the cycle is to just start – anywhere, with anything. While avoidance tends to be a natural response for many of us, it can make everything worse. So, let's disrupt your conditioned response by picking one thing you've been putting off that you can tackle today, whether it's a lingering task or enjoying a moment of self-care. Take action, even if it's a small step.
Overwhelmed by a massive project? Tackle one small part.
Stuck in a frustrating situation? Draft an email, schedule a meeting, or even jot down your thoughts about how to make it just a little bit better.
Feeling disconnected? Take a five-minute walk or have a quick chat with a supportive colleague.
Small actions create momentum, and momentum builds confidence. Before you know it, you'll be back in the driver's seat.
4.Restore your Energy
Recharge in ways that work for you – whether that's taking a solo walk in nature or just around the block, signing up for a yoga class, or spending an uninterrupted hour with a good book. Do something that refills your emotional tank. Surround yourself with people who energize and uplift you, not the ones who leave you feeling depleted. That might mean connecting with someone who understands what you're dealing with on a daily basis. It should go without saying, but adequate sleep, proper nutrition, and regular exercise aren't luxuries – they're necessities for staying resilient.
It's time to focus less on the overwhelm and more on what you can do about it. Being solution-oriented doesn't mean pretending everything's fine when it's clearly not. It's about acknowledging the hard stuff without letting it define your day.
When something stressful happens, ask yourself:
Am I focusing on the problem or the solution?
What's one small step I can take right now to move forward?
And when you catch yourself blaming others for a bad day (because we've all been there), remember the power to shape your day lies with you. So, start putting some strategies into place to regain control over how you're feeling and where your energy goes.
Decide in advance how you'll handle recurring challenges. Having a go-to strategy can make you feel more in control. When things aren't going according to plan, before reacting, take a moment to breathe and assess. Reacting emotionally often makes things worse, while responding thoughtfully can sometimes de-escalate a situation before it spirals out of control.
When you do manage to put that space between what is going on and deciding how you're going to respond, you reclaim your power. Each time you do, acknowledge that as progress. Every day has its ups and downs, and you can train your brain to find the bright spots, no matter how small.
Bad things will happen, deadlines get missed, colleagues overstep, and some days feel like a non-stop barrage of annoyances. Pretending otherwise won't make them disappear. But, with a little reframing, you can shift from feeling stuck, to moving forward with purpose.
When you're able to see that the good usually outweighs the bad, you start seeing your own progress. Maybe that project didn't go perfectly, but you handled a tough client like the professional you are, even when they were anything but. Or, maybe that meeting was a disaster, but your contributions sparked an important discussion. When you start recognizing these wins – big or small – you'll notice something else: the bad stuff loses its grip on your mood.
There are perils to dwelling too much on the negative. The more you fixate on what went wrong, the more your confidence, problem-solving skills, and productivity take a nosedive. And then there's what it does to your mood. Anger and frustration become the soundtrack to your day, amplifying every little annoyance until nothing can drown it out.
The antidote to this downward spiral is getting a little perspective. So, ask yourself:
What's in this for me to learn?
What can I gain from this situation?
Maybe a difficult project is a chance for you to develop new skills. Maybe a challenging colleague is helping you sharpen your ability to think on your feet and practice your diplomacy. Or, maybe that setback is teaching you the resilience you'll need for the next big thing. Reframing doesn't mean ignoring the negatives; it means choosing to focus on what's actionable and beneficial.
As I said, there's a subtle but critical difference in responding rather than reacting. Reacting is what happens when you're caught off-guard and let your emotions run the show. It tends to lead us to make impulsive choices, and often that just makes things worse. Responding, on the other hand, is deliberate and constructive.
The difference? A pause. A moment to breathe, think, and consciously decide your next step.
When you respond, you're in control – not your frustration, not the situation, and certainly not that coworker who has the uncanny ability to push your buttons.
One of the best ways to stay grounded is to decide in advance how you'll handle challenges. Picture it as your emotional toolkit for high-pressure situations.
Ask yourself:
What attitude do I want to bring to this situation?
What's the outcome I want to achieve?
And how can I stay calm and focused?
By deciding in advance and having a few strategies ready – like stepping away for a quick breather, focusing on solutions rather than finding blame, or even reminding yourself that 'this too shall pass' – you'll feel more prepared to handle whatever comes your way. And remember, not every situation requires a response. Sometimes, your silence can be very powerful.
Every challenge has a lesson, if you're willing to look for it. By reframing these obstacles in our way, we're more able to find the silver lining. Maybe that rejection is giving you a chance to refine your pitch. Maybe that difficult boss is helping you develop thicker skin.
Instead of asking, "Why is this happening to me?" try asking, "What can I learn from this?". It's not always easy, and it doesn't mean you have to like the situation, but it can give you a sense of purpose and forward momentum.
Staying solution-oriented doesn't mean glossing over your problems, but rather, it means acknowledging them without letting them dominate your focus. When you catch yourself ruminating, ask yourself, "What's one thing that's within my control to change that will address this?". By focusing on actionable steps, you shift from feeling powerless to feeling empowered.
Every time you choose to focus on solutions, reframe a challenge, or take a proactive step, you're building your confidence. Confidence isn't about never facing difficulties; it's about knowing you can handle them when they arise. And, the more you practice these strategies, the more resilient and self-assured you'll become.
Some situations are just plain frustrating. But, even in the most challenging circumstances, there's usually something to gain.
A micromanaging boss might teach you patience, and the art of managing up.
A chaotic project might show you how to lead in uncertainty.
A difficult colleague might help you hone your negotiation skills.
Reframing means choosing to focus on what you can learn, gain, or improve. When challenges arise, it's tempting to slip into a 'why me?' mindset. Why does everything feel so hard? Why can't things go smoothly for once?
But instead of asking, "Why me?" try asking, "What's the next step I can take on my path forward?". This shift isn't just empowering – it's practical. It keeps you focused on possibilities rather than pitfalls, helping you see that there's more good than bad in your workplace experience.
When you're emotionally exhausted, it's easy to react impulsively – snapping at a colleague, firing off that curt email that will get you into trouble later, or spiraling into negativity. But, as we've discussed, reacting rarely helps the situation. Responding, on the other hand, is intentional and thoughtful. It's about pausing, assessing, and choosing your next step. So, give yourself a moment to process by simply taking a breath. Assess what's really going on here and determine what, if anything, is within your control. Then, choose how you want to respond. That might mean taking an action that aligns with your goals and values, rather than simply lashing out.
This simple approach can transform how you navigate high-pressure situations, keeping you grounded and in control.
Emotional exhaustion often stems not just from external pressures, like demanding workloads or difficult colleagues, but also from the internal habit of over-investment in things that we can't control. As women, we tend to feel a heightened sense of responsibility to prove our worth, fix systemic problems, or manage others’ perceptions, which can lead to emotional depletion.
Emotional exhaustion is tough, but it can be temporary. The shift from trying to control outcomes to focusing on your response and energy allocation is the key to maintaining resilience and progress, even in the most challenging environments.
Regaining control and combating emotional exhaustion isn't about overhauling your life overnight. It's about small, intentional shifts that add up over time. And, every step you make to prioritize yourself and your growth is a powerful step toward lasting success.
And that's it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Turning Exhaustion Into Empowerment at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and sixty-nine.
Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen, and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I'm on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com.
If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It's my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what's holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I'd love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.
Until next week, I'm Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.
